It's A Wrap

Everyone is doing a year end review/new year resolutions. I might as well join the train.

2013

What a year, and oh how it flew by! It was a year with lots of curve balls and lots of learning. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year already, but February 8^th I will have had my insulin pump for a year. February 22^nd will be a year since my first consultation with my parenatalogist who has now been acting as my endocrinologist since then. March 13^th I met with my T1D BFF for the first time, aka my CDE (certified diabetes educator) who is out of my parenatalologist’s office. Meeting Deb and Dr. Morris has been life changing. I have learned so much from Deb and she has been an essential figure in my self management and getting my body baby ready. Always encouraging and understanding, so very thankful to have had her in my life this year. She is also the reason I decided to dump my original endo and have Dr. Morris act as my endo for now. This was in hopes that I would be pregnant by now and he would be treating me anyway but that has not happened.

 January I was diagnosed with a hypo thyroid which of course diabetics are more likely to develop, but thanks to momma and the genes in her family every woman in her family has it. Why should I feel left out? Although that was incredibly frustrating to have another diagnosis to add to the list of things I have to deal with, it was also a relief. I had all the symptoms but had ignored them. I was only diagnosed because my endo did yearly blood work and always checked for that. I had the awful fatigue, brittle nails, weight gain/bloating, dry skin and possibly other things that I’m forgetting about.

 Back to a good thing from this year. I just started using a Dexcom continuous glucose monitor at the beginning of December! That’s pretty exciting. Lots to learn there, including patience as I watch the graphs. It’s neat to be able to see on a small screen what my blood sugar levels are, it updates every 5 minutes. It’s a tremendous help on getting tight control, getting ahead of the curve and correcting ASAP.

 First time going through airport security with my insulin pump. You can read about both experiences here. They were not the greatest.

 March 26^th we celebrated 2 years of marriage. It’s been an adventure, and never ever boring. He is my constant rock and support system. I couldn’t do diabetes, at least not successfully without him.

 I was sucked into the DOC in March after reading an article on Kim @ textingmypancreas.

 I started blogging myself on March 27^th.

 July I had the best A1C ever! 5.7 How did that even happen?! I don’t know.

 Non diabetic related, we had a wonderful family vacation on the beach of Florida and did a day road trip, with my sister and brother in law, from Ft. Lauderdale to the Florida Keys which I had never been to before. We were in a beautiful wedding in June, I’d say it was in the top three of beautiful weddings I’ve been in with of course my own being #1! J My sister also got married in November to a great guy who is totally perfect for her weird quirky self. They are great together and always amusing. We had lots of trips to and visits from hubbby’s brother and his family. Love him, his wife and my niece and nephew. I know everyone thinks theirs are the cutest, but I really do think I have the cutes niece and nephew.

2014

New endocrinologist appointment scheduled for March 5^th, excited and apprehensive for a new doctor.

Baby? Maybe, we can hope and pray to God that He will bless us with a little rolly polly Panke bug that will make its entrance into our home and arms.

Of course as always aiming for a good A1C and self management.

 A new little niece will be making her appearance sometime in February, so excited for that!

Other than that, we will have to see what 2014 will bring. There were lots of tears and frustrations, laughs and hugs, learning curves and experiences, trips and adventures throughout 2013. Hopefully 2014 will be full of more happy tears, laughter and adventures. Happy new year everyone!

Cinnamon Rolls & Hash Browns

Talk about diabetes having a mind of its own and making no sense whatsoever! That would be this last Christmas weekend.

We went out of town to visit family over the weekend and came back on Monday. Saturday and Sunday mornings there were homemade cinnamon rolls that I just couldn’t resist. I had one each morning. I had no way of knowing how many carbs were in each or how many units of insulin to give so I just guessed. You know what happened? NOTHING!!! I was fine! I had no crazy highs or lows at all from the cinnamon rolls or anything else I ate. I think I had one low and a short time of being high after going out to eat one night, but overall that’s not bad.  Yippee, yay for me!

 Then we come home…………

 Christmas eve morning I had a breakfast of scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, an orange and coffee. No crazy sweets whatsoever. I counted my carbs correctly, I’ve eaten this countless time with no problems. But not this day. BAM!!! Shortly after eating I climbed, and climbed some more, and kept climbing until I got to about 290’s, and I couldn’t get down until late afternoon. I rage bolused, and bolused some more, and more, and just kept at it and would slowly drop and then go up a few points and then maybe drop a bit more to where I thought I was finally coming down from my high and then I’d plato and not drop anymore so I’d have to bolus again!!! By the time I was finally feeling better and getting to a happy BG place it was time to eat a big Italian Christmas meal and it all went to crap again. I stayed close to 300 all night until after I fell asleep. I evened out in the middle of the night and coasted along in the 150’s between 2am and waking up around 10am. Did I mention that I was feeling like I was coming down with a cold? Then again I’m really not sure if it’s that or if it’s my jacked up blood sugars are making me feel like I’m getting sick or if I’m really fighting something off. So Christmas morning we got up late because neither of us were feeling that great. I had an orange and not even a half a cup of coffee on our way to my uncle’s for family Christmas lunch and my BG went through the roof again. I started checking my bg like crazy and watching it climb and then bolusing to try and get things back down. We got to my uncle’s around noon, and it was closer to 1:00 maybe before everyone was ready to eat and guess what! I didn’t eat! Well, if you call eating salad eating then sure I ate. I sat there checking Dexie (my Dexcom CGM as I like to call her, brilliant I know.), munching on salad as my stomach was grumbling for mashed potatoes, chicken and dumplings and green bean casserole. This is the first time I’ve ever passed on eating a meal like this because my blood sugar was being a jerk. It seems like I’m getting more insulin resistant lately. Again, maybe all of this is because my body has been trying to fight something off on and off over the past month, I don’t know. But yesterday, Christmas day, it took close to two hours for my blood sugar to come down enough for me to feel comfortable enough to eat real food. I had even bolused for a high carb meal, therefore I had a little over 15 units of insulin in my system and it still took me close to two hours to come down. Thats a lot of insulin! Even when I did finally eat, I only ate a small portion because I was so frustrated that I would spike again.  If it hadn’t have been for the day before I probably would have ignored Dexie and expected things to even out faster. Today I think I’ve been prepared for being high because I’ve been going possibly over board with the amount of insulin.

 I have to say, as much as I may resent having the pump attached to me at all times, I’m loving the temp basal setting and I’ve been making good use of it a lot lately with the nasty highs.

Robotic Me

Robotic Me In A Nutshell……………

Ok, so to sum up the last week and a half since I’ve been pretty incognito with this whole blogging thing……….Well, maybe not sum up because this will probably be longer than I plan......

This is pretty much an educational post for those of you that read this that don't have diabetes or know anything bout these battery operated/robot parts that keep me living and my quality of life just that, quality.
Be warned, I got some pics below you may not like.

I started using the Dexcom CGM 14 days ago. I’m becoming more and more robot like. I put it on right when I got home from work the first night and it was all good up until about 10pm when a “Faulty Sensor” warning popped up on the receiver screen. I called Dexom’s 24hr tech support right away and talked to a very nice and helpful lady right off the bat. After going over things with her we came to the conclusion that it was just a faulty sensor and nothing that I had done. They sent me a replacement overnight at no charge. Sweetness!!!

 Since it was time for me to be getting to bed I didn’t bother with the CGM system again until the next morning because I didn’t want to have to mess with it. After inserting the sensor into yourself there is a 2 hour warm up period and then you have to do a finger stick twice and put into the receiver what the bg reading is both times.

  This is the receiver and my meter. They are right on in this picture. Oh, I'm kinda a dummy and can't figure why this picture is sideways when it's not like this on my computer and I can't get it to flip.



 That’s why I waiting until the next day so that I could go bedyby. Next morning, I ran into an issue with two more that I tried to insert.

This is the applicator that is attached to the sensor, it seemed to be stuck to the sensor itself. You should be able to pinch the release tabs on the sides and rock the applicator out, but that wouldn't work. It seemed like the entire things was melded together. It happened twice before I tired the last one that I had and the 4^th time was the charm. (I know, you're thinking operator error, but I promise, hubby tried too and couldn't get it to budge!). Now that I've really been living with this new attachment for a full 14 days here is my opinion and how it works…..

 It’s great in the fact that it has woke me up a couple of nights to let me know that I’m crashing. It sucks/fantastic in the fact that I now see how much I actually spike. Altho I don’t feel sick, I have to wonder if I have been trying to fight something off for the last week because there are HOURS, I’m talking usually 3-4 hours AT LEAST that I’m spiking after lunch or dinner and I cannot get my numbers to come down. I know that before the CGM I would check 10+ times a day and I wouldn't always have this issue. It’s nice that I can see when I’m high and for how long so that I can get things in a better range. It’s just been really frustrating how craptastick my numbers have been for the last week. I've been using LOTS of temporary basal settings and yesterday afternoon I gave myself a correction bolus and then went and rode the exercise bike for a half hour. That did help a lot, even though after dinner I crept up higher and a little longer than I would have liked. What is weird is that I seem to be creeping up and staying up between 8pm and 9pm and staying steadily in the same high numbers until maybe 1am or so. Then I drop into the 120s or 130s and hang there steadily into 7am when it’s time to get up. My afternoons are not much better. Things are great in the mornings, no highs but after lunch around 1pm I creep up and can’t seem to get down to even out the 150s till after 4:30 or even closer to dinner time. I just keep giving myself the pep talk that I’m diabetic and this is how it goes, but something is up. These stubborn highs are really ticking me off. 

 Other than these goofed up unreasonable highs, I think I really do like the Dexcom. It’s encouraging when I see a good day, and it really is a good thing to see the highs and lows coming on. What I am struggling with a little, but not so much over the past 5-7 days because of the highs, is that when I see the lows I’m over treating. I need to forget about the Dexcom for 15 minutes and not worry about what the screen is saying. It freaks me out when I don’t see an upward arrow on the screen after 5 minutes. 60 seconds can feel like 6 hours during a low at times so waiting 15 minutes and not keep looking at the receiver screen to see what’s going on is like an eternity!!!

 I was able to get the first sensor to work for a total of 11 days and then I just felt like it wasn’t as accurate so I am now on #2 sensor. They have been FDA approved for 7 days, buuuuutttt.... as with most "D" items trying to get the most for the money and do what you can is kinda what I'm pushing for. It's possible to cheat the sensors. 

                                 Here is the sensor that goes under my skin............................

                                  Here is the top of the sensor that the transmitter attaches to

 Adhesive, I had to tape the first sensor within the first 24hrs I think. This one I haven’t yet, it’s still looking pretty stuck to me, so hopefully it will stay that way for a couple more days. I found after using I think 3 other tapes some clear stuff from Walgreens that seems to work for me pretty well and is water proof. My skin didn't like the adhesive so much, but it’s not as bad as I was afraid of.

                                              This is after wearing it for almost 11 days.

                                 My skin today after changing it out on Sunday, today is Thursday.


So I guess nothing was in a nutshell. Of course I'm going on and on and on.....................

There have been other "D" life things that maybe I'll get around to sharing one of these days.

It's A Meter Or An Ornament?

I decided that this Christmas I would carry on Brad's mom's tradition and get him an ornament. He then decided to do the same. This is what he gave me. It's really a meter he bought for a few dollars off of Ebay and then painted on the number.

Christmas For Diabetes!

It's here! It's like Christmas for diabetes. I'm totally starting my online training tonight.

Experiences

I haven't had a really BAD low in a while. As I've said in prior posts, I'm burnt out. That tends to lead to more highs than lows for me. I've been hitting high numbers that I'd rather not admit to. Today, I had a BAD low that I couldn't hide. Usually, I'm at home with hubs, or work when one like that hits and I either hide it, or just get through it with hubs watching over me. Somehow I haven't had one hit like this around friends or other family. Today, it happened. I was at a baby shower. I had just checked my bg, I was 80 but felt I could be dropping so I went ahead and ate a cake ball. I sat down next to my mother in law to eat it and watch gifts being opened. I started to get really hot and weird, but just wanted to wait it out. 20 minutes went by, she finished opening gifts and I was feeling worse. I went back to my purse to grab my meter and check. A good friend of mine was right there and asked how I was and before I could say anything saw I was at 42 and she knew I needed straight up sugar. I followed her to the kitchen for another cake ball feeling like I had to be dripping with sweat and like my head could just roll off my shoulders. As we walked to the kitchen my family was calling fur me to get my picture taken with the mommy to be and I had to just shake my head and throw my hand up for them to wait. I felt bad knowing they were all waiting on me and that others were waiting to talk to mommy to be, but I had to do what I had to do. I grabbed the cake ball, walked out for the picture and I think I heard my aunt in law say, "oh she is crashing" as I shoved half in my mouth. I posed for the picture and then shoved the other half in as they looked at the first one before taking another pic. Last few days with the highs and now this low have me anxious for the Dexcom  cgm. As much as I'm valuing my freedom from another attachment, I'm looking forward to something to tighten my control.

If Diabetes Had A Throat

If diabetes had a throat I really would punch it!

 I don’t know how many posts I’ve attempted lately. I probably won’t post this one either. I’ll draft them, think I’ll go over them and post them later, and I don’t. I go back, hate what I write and delete. Why do I hate what I write? Why am I not posting?

 My mind is a jumbled mess lately, none of it is necessarily good, happy or positive. I feel bad, even hubby asked the other day, stating I seemed to have a lot on my mind. I know, that sometimes writing helps, but not lately. Not for me. I think it’s partly because I see a lot of complaining on social media and I want to scream. I want to scream about the stupid things that people wine about, things like this that I would have a response like this to: “Really? A hang nail?! I’m so sorry that something so dumb snowballed and created such an awful day for you. Really?” Don’t people know that there are truly miserable, awful things in life that other people deal with and that life is wonderful and beautiful if you just look for it, yet………………

 But then I want to vent here, I feel like I have a valid reason, but then I don’t post because quite frankly, I really don’t think that anyone wants to read about it and I hate feeling like I’m jumping in on the complaining band wagon. No one really wants to know what daily life is like as a diabetic. (Not that I really want anyone to truly know, but at the same time misery love company as the saying goes right?) No one really wants to know how much work it is, how much it hurts mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. No one really wants to know what an A** hole diabetes was yesterday. No one really wants to hear about how no matter what I did my BG hung out in the mid to high 200s all day long. That I pretty much avoided the snacks at work for snack day and I stuck to my lunch I brought that I knew had exactly 32 carbs and I bolused for them and yet I still stayed in the 200s in the afternoon. No one wants to know that finally by the time I got home from work I was 129 right before eating the dinner that I really didn’t want because I felt like crap from blood sugar high hangover, but I tried to think positively because hey, I was finally at a better level. But then a couple of hours later I was back up around 270. I knew because of the random and very short times throughout the day that I was down in the lower 100’s that my insulin was fine, as was my sight, tubing and pump. Why did this happen yesterday? Because diabetes is a total B**ch. If diabetes had a throat, yesterday I would have punched it in the throat.

 I feel like I’m in my own little world, and it’s really lonely. I hate feeling like "D" is all-consuming but it really is.

  I know that I’m in diabetes burn out. I love how it was put in this posting from Alanna at Life On T1, “Yes, we can do anything with this disease, but we can ONLY do anything if we are ALWAYS thinking about we feel.” No wonder I’m on burn out. I gotta deal with this forever?!  Between diabetes and everything else that is all wonkey with my body it’s amazing that I’m still even semi sane.

 I’m thankful for my pump and the fact that we can afford it. I’m thankful that, at least I think I am, that we made the decision for me to get a Dexcom CGM, I'll have it early next week. God love my husband, but he said something the other day about how I want the Dexcom and my response was, “No I don’t. I don’t want any of these high tech diabetes things because I don’t want diabetes”. Am I thankful to have them, yes. Do I want them, not really. They are a necessity so maybe I’m a bit excited for the Dexcom just because it will help against days like yesterday to an extent. Want any of these gadgets, no,  not exactly looking forward to having another attachment on my body or another item to carry around in my purse or something that is going to keep me awake like a newborn at night. (Diabetes will turn into a newborn baby)

 I’m totally happy with my hubby, and life other than stupid “D” and my other physical issues that I’m dealing with right now, besides those everything else is great. I’m really not as depressed as I probably sound here. I just gotta vent cuz I’m pissed at the dead pancreas and non working beta cells that are snoozing in my body. Seriously, what are they doing in there other than an infinite vacation.

World Diabetes Day

Today is world diabetes awareness day. I started the day off with a doctor's appointment bright and early at 7:30. It was not diabetes related appointment, but as with everything "D" does come in to play. It was just a routine, altho nothing is routine with me, check up. I love this doctor, talking to her is like talking to a friend. She is the doctor that after 12 years and ten other doctors later finally diagnosed me with PCOS.She is the first one to look at me and listen to me like I'm a human when I told her all of my crazy weird symptoms that are the exact opposite of PCOS. She ran the blood tests did an ultrasound and that's when we made the discovery, almost 5 years ago. So today we talked about crazy female hormones and how they play such a huge part of managing diabetes and throwing curve balls in there. She did some blood work today to check some things and I'm sure that all of this will eventually come into play with my insulin sensitivity, therefore more adjustments on my pump.

In other news..... With today being world diabetes day I thought that it was kinda ironic that yesterday when I was at Target and I walked down the ailse to get coffee filters the first thing I saw was blue cake mix! I immediately thought of blue Fridays, today and diabetes awareness. I didn't buy the mix just took a pic. Enjoy today!!!

Work

I was doing so great about keeping up with the photo a day for Diabetes Awareness month, and then the weekend happened. As usual, busy. I'm not going to try and catch up, I'm just going with todays photo. Work. Top portion of the photo is of my "D" bag that I literally cannot live without and goes with me every where. A coworker actually gave it to me. It was her cosmetic bag and she had it out on her desk one day and I saw it commented that with the two pockets it would be perfect for a "D" bag and asked where she got it. She had gotten it at Marshals but she gave it to me right away when I said what it would be great for. It had been the only one left when she gut it. I keep in it at all times two different bottles of test strips along with two different meters, a Sharps container for used test strips and needles, lancets, an extra reservoir of insulin, extra infusion set, batteries for my pump, glucose tabs, and a back up Novalog flex insulin pen This sits on my desk at work right next to the phone.

That bottom portion of the photo shows my snack drawer at work. Trail mix, emergency fruit snacks, after lunch dark chocolate (that I count as part of my lunch carbs almost every day).

Not Playing Nice

Late yesterday into last night was BAD. It's been busy at work and honestly diabetes was the last thing on my mind yesterday afternoon. I didn't realize until 4:30ish that I had been peeing about every 30 minutes or so and guzzling water. Even when I'm not high I drink a lot and pee a lot. That was more than usual. I realized it as I was trying to get my last order in for the day and my head started to feel heavy and I couldn't concentrate on my computer screen, and I had to pee again. I ran to the restroom, filled my water bottle and then checked my bg. 220, that explained it. So I gave myself just a tad less insulin than what my pump said because I planned to be home and getting a good work out in, in less than an hour. I didn't want to have too much insulin in my system and crash. But that's exactly what happened. I got home, I had dropped to 198 with about 2 units of insulin on bored, and I set my pump at a temp basal of 60%. BAD IDEA!!! I should have not worked out, or disconnected, or gone much lower on the temp basal, or suspended my pump, or..... Who knows what I should have really done. In 30 minutes of biking I dropped from 198 to 45. Ok, as if that wasn't bad enough I skyrocketed after dinner to 210. Needless to to say I felt like crap and diabetes was being a totally butt head. I guess it was about time tho. Vacation, no real issues, being out of town last weekend, no real issues there. So having a craptastic night I should have cut myself some slack, but at the end of the night I didn't. Brushing my teeth at about 10:30 and Brad comes in. Right when I was putting mouthwash in my mouth he said something along the lines about how I hadn't had a day like that in a while and what happened? I leaned against the wall swishing mouthwash around inside my mouth and the tears started to well up. He didn't mean that it was my fault, but as it goes, I was playing the blame game. Shoulda, coulda, woulda going around in my head and feeling guilty but thankful at the same time that I'm not pregnant. Then wondering if me getting pregnant is such a good idea. Can I hack it? A day like yesterday and who knows what that would do to an unborn child!!! I know I was going overboard, but that's how it goes. As the tears were streaming down my cheeks and I have my mouth full still, Brad just grabs me and hugs me, rubbing my back and telling me it's okay. Ever Mr positive, he says things like, you are healthy despite the diabetes, you take good care of yourself, you are alive, not in a comma or having seizures. You have never had to be admitted to the hospital, it's been a while since you've had a really bad day. Cut yourself some slack. You are okay. He was right. Diabetes was being a total butt head, not playing nice, it never does, but I have to cut myself some slack. If we knew what happened or why then we would have a better understanding of the disease but we don't. If we did there might be a cure. So while there isn't one and we wait, we fight back and play nice even when it doesn't and cut ourselves some slack otherwise we'd go insane!

National DAM Day 7: photo opt BLUE

Todays photo prompt is Blue. Blue is the color of diabetes awareness. Fridays are known as Blue Friday, where diabetics far and wide wear the color blue as a sign of awareness and support. I really don't own anything blue, guess I really should change that, therefore I don't participate in Blue Fridays. However, when looking for an image on google that would be good for todays prompt I came across this one. Why blue m&ms you might ask? There are a few things to be learned from just this pic, and the fact that they are blue is just a plus. For one, yes I can eat them if I so choose, I would just have to figure the carb count and bolus correctly. Next, m&ms, as well as any chocolate, are not a good choice for treating a low because they are full of fat which in turn slows the rise of blood sugar. Therefore won't do the job quickly enough. So there you have it for today folks.

Another Post: This Really Is What It's Like

If you are reading this, I might be shocked. After all I've been keeping up with posting a pic everyday for the photo a day for National Diabetes Awareness Month, and that's a post a day. If you are actually looking at this and you don't have diabetes the following video is very accurate. I've seen some of her other videos and I always get a kick out of them. It's got some humor mixed in, well at least those of us that can relate find it humorus at least in a weird twisted way. Video portion itself is only 2 1/2 minutes long. Those of you that can relate and not seen it I hope you enjoy. Those of you that are not diabetic I hope this enlightens you.

Diabetes Awareness Day 6: Relationship

There are a lot of important relationships when it comes to diabetes. All of them incredibly important to the mental and emotonal as well as physical health of a diabetic. Endocrinologist, CDE, nurses, the DOC (diabetes online community), parents, siblings, significant others and the list goes on. I picked this picture of Brad and I on our wedding day taking communion. I think that this picture is pretty significant because it includes both of the most important relationships in my life. For one my relationship and faith with God is huge in my life and keeps me grounded, that signified by the communion.  My hubby, keeps me sane and can deal with all my crazy emotions, the financial stresses, when I feel sick and cranky from highs and lows, all my diabetes talk (there is a LOT sometimes), learning and being very attentive to signs of my highs and lows, and being patient all along with adding a sense of humor in a way only he can. Dealing with things that come with being married to a T1D (and female to boot). I know I have gone on before about how great he is and handles it and me amazingly but it's true. Having at least one strong person in the corner of your fighting cage is essential, because everyday, even the "easy" ones are a fight and it's impossible to fight these battles alone.

Diabetes Awareness: Day 4 Advocate

This was a tough one for me. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an advocate for diabetes awareness so no pics for that. I decided to google celebrities with type 1. That jogged my memory of an article I read a while ago about Elizabeth Perkins. I couldn't find the one that I originally read so this one http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/11/21/actress-elizabeth-perkins-discusses-life-with-diabetes/ is pretty good.

Diabetes Awareness Month Day 4

Todays picture prompt is "Proud". I picked this picture because this is the first time I wore my pump proudly for all the world to see and I didn't care. I'm not sure why I was so self conciouse in the beginning but I was.

National DAM: Day 3 snacks

National Diabetes Awareness month: day 3 photo op is snacks.

We just just got back in town from visiting my inlaws for the weekend. We had taken a cooler with a few things in it with us and there were a few things to be unpacked when we got back. As I was putting things away in the fridge I saw the brand new jar of sweet pickles that hubby bought the other day. I love sweet pickles but haven't had them in possibly years. I just don't really think about them. I took the jar out thinking that they couldn't possibly have that many carbs in them and maybe they would be my new go to snack with 0 to very few carbs. Wrong! 8 carbs per pickle! That's one unit of insulin for me. I guess I should know that sweet is not deceiving in the name, they really are sweet. Too sweet for me and my already sweet self.

Diabetes Awareness Month: Days 1 & 2 combined

November is diabetes awareness month. Two days into it and I had my first opportunity to help educate and bring more awareness to someone. My awesome mother in law. I sat down with her last night and pretty much gave her a tutorial on my how my pump works. She had lots of questions, was genuinely interested in how it works and how my meter that link together work. It was the first time since having my pump someone had really wanted to know and it was really nice to sit down with her and explain things. It gave me the warm fuzzies. Afterwards she said how smart I have to be, yup, pretty much. It's a lot to take in.

Now with it being diabetes awareness month I'm going to try my best and along with lots of others post a pic a day in the life of diabetes. List of below. November 1st was "Past". So the first pic you see below is with my friends only a month or so after diagnosis. I still look really skinny and pale. I don't think I had even been able to see a diatian yet. I couldn't have gained much weight yet either. When I was diagnosed I was only 105 lbs.

November 2nd picture is "Check". This picture is a note to myself at work to remember to check my BG and possibly bolus insulin or eat something. That was a rough day that I never got around to blogging about as I had planned.

Todays pic is "Snack" but I got nothing yet.

Does TSA Really Care?

I only travel on an airplane maybe once a year. I'm not a huge fan of flying. My ears hurt and pop, things usually sound like they are under water after getting off the plane and I have a hard time hearing. I feel like I end up whispering or yelling because I can't tell how loud I really am.
For some reason security always makes me nervous and I don't know why, but it really does.
I'm not afraid of dying from a plane crash or anything, its just all the stress of the above. Then add my lovely companion "D" to the equation and it's all sorts of fun. Wondering if I'm going to go low sometime during the whole TSA check point process and act goofy or run high and end up feeling like crud while traveling.

We just got back on Friday from family vacay to Ft. Lauderdale, it was wonderful!

 

This was my first time flying with my insulin pump. Insulin pumps cannot go through the xray machine, body scanners or scanned with the luggage. Going thru any of these machines will scramble, completely drestroy the pump. You wouldn't think that this would be an issue with TSA but I've read that it can be.  I had read on multiple blogs among the DOC about the TSA Cares program, all of which was good feed back so I decided to give it a shot in hopes that it would alleviate some stress. Unfortunately for me, it seemed pretty worthless. Here is my experience....
We were to leave on Friday the 18th, I called the number for TSA cares 72 hours a head of time as I should have. Government was still shut down, my hopes were not high due to this. I talked to an incredibly nice lady who went over how things "should" go and who informed me that due to the shut down there may not be a passenger assistant to meet me once I got to the airport but she would note it in their system that I was requesting someone. If no one was available I should have no problem just asking for a patdown once I reached the TSA check point is what she told me. Thursday the 17th in the afternoon I received a call from a very nice gentleman at TSA Cares. Now that the government was no longer shut down they would have someone meet me when I arrived at the airport. Call when ten minutes away and he would let me know what to expect, who and where I was meeting someone is what he told me. Sounds good so far right? That's what I thought. Next morning I called like he said. He told me to ask for Amanda Woods when I got to the TSA check point. Okay, great, thank you sir. Get to that point, she wasn't working that day, but if I just let them know right before they ask me to step through the metal detector they will do a pat down no problem. Hmmmm.... Go thru the rest of the line, get to the front and inform the lady that I am unable to disconnect from my pump or go through the scanner or xray machine. She didn't understand, told me first to go down to the body scanner, I said politely but firmly no, I need a pat down please. My pump cannot go through any machine. She then told me to send it thru with my carry on luggage, again asked for a pat down. She still wasn't getting it and told me to just go through the xray machine. Again, I requested a pat down and this time she said she didn't understand. At this point an older TSA agent had walked up and finally intervened. She said she would do the pat down if my husband watched my stuff. She was very nice, explained what she was doing during the molestation, I mean pat down process. I know why they have to get so physical I understand but doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it. Finally, that was done and we were on our way.

This shows how stress totally affects blood sugar levels. Before going thru TSA and after.

Following Tuesday before our flight home on that Friday I received a call from Jim at TSA Cares out of Ft Lauderdale. He was nice enough, but he did mention that their new scanners were safe for all medical equipment to go thru and for everyone's convenience I should just go thru them. I explained to him a second time because he obviously didn't hear me the first time I told him why I was opting for a pat down. I said I understood it may not be the most convenient but I was not willing to take a chance with my $8,000.00 piece of medical equipment. Unlike the flight down he was at the checkpoint waiting for me when we arrived at the airport. He was nice enough I guess, yet after he had arranged for a female agent to pat me down he went into a whole schpeel again about how inconvenient it is to take time out to do a pat down and arranging for a passenger assistant. This takes people away from the stations that they are already working at and they are not always able to pull people right away when they are short staffed. He also said that I needed to do more research before I fly next time and I'll find that all their equipment is perfectly fine for my pump to go through. I'm not sure how many times I had already told him why I would only accept a pat down but by then I just wanted to find hubby and get to our gate. This guy was an awful representative of TSA Cares because he really didn't care. Will I try the program out again? I don't know. It will probably be another year or so before I fly again so it depends on if the program is still around by then and what I read about it in the DOC. My personal experience says that TSA does not care and that just asking for a pat down when I arrived instead of going thru phone calls gets the same results. At the same time I've worked customer service and delt with people long enough to know that the person representing may not necessarily reflect the policies, beliefs and attitude that the organization, company, or intuition would like to have reflected. With this being the case I'm sure that TSA Cares is meant to care, but sadly I didn't receive that experience.

Despite Diabetes

We just got back Friday from a family vacation, more on that later. But over the course of the week I thought about a lot of what I've still done despite diabetes.

As I was standing on the beach tonight with the not quite full moon shinning down on the ocean and feeling and listening to the waves and feeling the wet sand beneath my feet this is what came to mind.

Despite diabetes, I am standing barefoot on a beach feeling the waves.
Despite diabetes I am standing here with the love of my life and enjoying this moment.
Despite diabetes I just had two glasses of wine at our favorite bar/restaurant in this vacation spot.
Despite diabetes I shared a chocolate ganache pretzel dessert that was a little peice of heaven with my hubby.
Despite diabetes I am on vacation with my family and loving every minute.
Despite diabetes I drove 4 hours with my family to Key West and saw the southern most point in the United States.
Despite diabetes I sat in bed with my niece and nephew watching cartoons this morning.
Despite diabetes I got to see my sister's wedding ceremony Friday night.
Despite diabetes I still wear fun shoes.
Despite diabetes I am able to work a full time job.
Despite diabetes I am able to drive and do "normal" things.
Despite diabetes I am able to have a social life.
Despite diabetes I will be a mother someday whether children from my own body or adopted it will happen.
Despite diabetes I am living my life in a way that had I been living 100 years ago I wouldn't have lived probably much past my diagnosis.

JDRF Walk

I know that this is a little late, but better late than never right? For the first time, I did the JDRF walk a couple of Sundays ago. We had beautiful weather! Brad, my mom, my in-laws, my sister and my best friend all came to walk and support me. Our team raised a total of $830.00 which I was so psyched about! I really didn’t know how much to expect so I was very happy with this. We attempted to do the 3 mile walk but somehow they didn’t make the trail very clear so we barely did over a mile. We got there in plenty of time for me to find the vendor’s tent, but unfortunately I didn’t know that this was where Medtronic and Lily would be. They left early I guess if they even showed up because when we got back from walking I went straight to the vendor tent when I found out about it and both companies were gone, only the little signs marking their tables were still there. That was a bit disappointing, I was looking forward to and hoping to see pumps and CGMs to play around with, but nothing was there. I think my city may not be so big into Type 1 awareness and research and things because it’s really hard to find out about anything, so I was a bit disappointed that there wasn’t more there like I have read other cities have, but at the same time not totally surprised. Overall it was a great day and I’m thankful for my family that came out everyone who donated, thank you all!!!

15 Positive Things

I decided to create a list of positive things that have come from having type 1. So here is a list of 15 things that I have come up with.

1. I tend to be more conscious of what and when I eat and not over eat.

2. I'm not being rude when I insist that I have to eat before everyone else.

3. If I'm in an atmosphere where others around me are drinking and I don't feel like partaking I can blame it on my blood sugar that I can't.

4. I have to take my purse with me everywhere, it has all my "D" supplies.

5. I always have a snack or food on me so if you are hungry, I can probably help you out.

6. I've developed healthier eating habits.

7. I sound REALLY smart when I talk about Diabetes to someone who knows nothing about it.

8. I've learned to like a wider variety of foods including veggies.

9. When I'm preggers I'll get to see my baby in my belly more, (ultrasounds) and hear the heart beat of the baby more often than someone without type 1.

10. If I was to dress up for Halloween as a doctor I bet my pump would be a great prop! It would look like a pager!!!

11. I get to tell funny stories about things that happen like my hubby waking up covered in test strips. (I'll never get over that one)

12. I've learned a lot about my body and myself.

13. I cherish life and those I love more.

14. I'm a much stronger person than I ever thought that I could be.

15. When I eat something like apple pie and vanilla bean ice-cream I savor and enjoy it more since it's not something that I eat as often if I didn't have "D".

Side note- I don't know the last time I ate apple pie and ice-cream and I did the other day.  Brad had been asking and asking for me to make an apple pie, it's one of his favorites, was and I guess still is mine too. I've never made one, but I did and it turned out great! I was so proud of myself so I had to have a piece after I slaved away over it. Having it in the afternoon with plenty of hours before bed time and being able to keep an eye on my BG I was able to enjoy without any overnight highs. Every sweet delicious bit was worth not having had any in years.

Low Dreams

I read other's blogging about having crazy weird dreams when their blood sugar drops while they are asleep. As far as I know, at least not that I've noticed, I haven't had that. I have had twice now, with just the other night being the second time, where I have dreamed that I dropped in my sleep and it was bad.

First time, that I remember anyway, was the night/morning before my wedding. I remember I had already of course had a hard time falling asleep because the next day was the BIG day but then on top of it I had a cold so I know it was a restless sleep because I wasn't feeling 100%. I remember it was a terrible dream. I wouldn't wake up, my roommate couldn't get me up and instead of getting married that day I ended up in the hospital and that's where I woke up. I think that I really woke up right after I woke up in the dream. I was low, and I'm pretty sure it was a bad one, I mean a BAD one. I probably over ate when I went to the kitchen, that I don't remember. I just remember sitting in the chair getting my hair done for the wedding and telling the girl who was doing my hair about the dream.

Then, the other night I had another one. At least I think it was a dream, I mean it was so short, but so real, it was almost like a thought but I'm pretty sure that I was asleep. In it I woke up in bed to paramedics standing over me and feeling horrible and disoriented and my husband standing in the corner of the bedroom with a look of sheer terror on his face. I'm not sure what scared me the most in the dream, how awful I felt, waking up to paramedics over me or the look on Brad's face. It seemed just a little too real. I didn't feel low at all when I first woke up, and I really didn't want to make the effort to get up and check, but after having that dream or whatever, I was spooked. So I checked, and I was low at 60. Not awful, but glad I checked. Once I got out of bed and went to the kitchen then I started to feel it and that started to freak me out. If it wasn't 2:45 in the morning and I didn't have to try and go back to sleep I probably wouldn't have had the juice box, I probably would have done something with a few less carbs and checked an hour or so later, but I wanted sleep and was scared that for some reason I was dropping even though I had no active insulin in me and I have no idea why I dropped in the first place. So I had the juice box, waited 15 minutes, checked again and I had gone up to 112 already and felt confidant enough to go back to sleep. I woke up at 7:00 with a BG of 150, not ideal, but I slept and woke up without paramedics or terrifying myself or hubs.

No Time For That

“Betes, you are a royal pain in the …. I got no time for that!” These were my thoughts when my CDE emailed me back this afternoon after I sent her my BG log this morning. When I go into the doctor’s office she downloads my pump and sees graphs and trends. I have the capability to do this as well, but I have never taken the time to do so and I have never been asked to so I haven’t. Now she is asking me to download my pump info to the Carelink online program and send her my log in information so that she can take a look at my trends. Eeeerrrr….. I know this is something that probably really needs to be done, I mean, she wouldn’t be asking if it didn’t, but that’s probably a night that will be spent trying to figure what the heck to do and I’m not sure when that is going to be. Not tonight and I don’t know if I will be able to get to it tomorrow night.  Right now, I just want a night to sit on my butt on the couch and do nothing. Not staring at a computer trying to figure that crap out.

Medtronic has just had their “Artificial Pancreas” approved by the FDA and I’m seeing a lot of people in the DOC with the same feelings as mine. That’s crap! It’s just another marketing ploy to try and get the uneducated T1 consumer to buy their product when all it really is, is a pump with an automatic shut off feature when worn with the CGM that will shut off when a low is coming on. Ok, that’s nice, but I’m not going to get too excited about that. I don’t even have a CGM.

 Now the Bionic Pancreas, that’s a whole other thing that I would give anything to have if I can’t have a cure.  I’m not sure how realistically affordable it would be but, I can dream. How does this tie in with having no time for “D”? Well, if I had a Bionic Pancreas it does EVERYTHING! All that I would be responsible for would be changing out the glucagon and insulin reservoirs. Not only would it save me from all the calculating and memory that “D” takes over in my head but the time would be priceless!!! It’s really weird to me sometimes when I hear how non-diabetics think of diabetes, even those in the medical field. I was telling someone the other day all about the Bionic Pancreas, and when I was done this person just looked at me and said, “Well, then it’s like you don’t even have diabetes anymore, so wouldn’t you be forgetting how to take care of yourself? What about if your insurance couldn’t pay for it anymore and you had to go back to a regular pump or injects? Isn’t that kind of irresponsible? Shouldn’t you continue everything you do now until there is a cure?”. WOW!!! I was speechless, I wanted to flip out, but I didn’t. I decided it wasn’t worth it and just let it go and moved on because it was the type of conversation with the type of person that really was not interested in my answer or what I would have to say. There would be no way that I could educate this person on the topic because it’s basically like they didn’t hear a word of what I had just said anyway. Really thou, I don’t get that train of thought. How could it be irresponsible to want a device to do the work that my dead pancreas should be doing? Especially when it would be able to do a much better job than I can ever do? When it would be better for my health, quality of life and increase my life expectancy? Irresponsible??? Is it irresponsible to want to be able to work out without worrying about going low or high? Is it irresponsible to want to be able to just go to sleep at night without the worry that I’m going to go too low and not wake up? Or not having anymore nights of getting up and checking because I don’t feel good and correcting however I need and then spending the next hours during the night worried because I may have over or under corrected so then I have to set the alarm on my phone so I wake up and check.  Is it irresponsible to want to eat, work out or whatever else may come up  without having to do math countless times a day as well as SWAGS and calculations? Nope, I don’t think so. It would be a God send! A time saver, a sanity saver, a HUGE stress relief. I know 5 years of this is nothing compared to a lot of people, but I don’t have high hopes of a cure, but the all the articles, Youtube videos and everything that I’ve seen so far on the Bionic Pancreas seems hopeful and promising. Bionic Pancreas, bring it on! I got time for that!

***Disclaimer, these are just my thoughts and opinions. I have no medical training or knowledge. Just a type 1 trying to live my life to the fullest on a daily basis.****

Special Kinda Man

It takes a special kina man……………(or woman)

 

To be a husband, wife or someone who is close to a T1D on a daily basis it takes a special kind of person.

 

It takes a man who is patient, a man who is kind

It takes a man who will listen, and is willing to learn

A man who pays attention and notices details

It takes a man who is willing to make multiple stops during a bike ride

for BG testing and glucose tab eating

It takes a man that will step in and take over dinner prep/making when

wifey gets confused and goofy from a low

It takes a special man who is willing to stay in or go home early because

his wife is suffering from a bad low hangover or a nasty high that just won’t drop

It take a special kind of man to deal with his wife going low during “special married people time”

A man who will deal with the emotional side of T1D, the water works and occasional break downs

It takes a special man to offer to get up in the middle of the night to get a low snack or juice box

A man who can take the “cranky” “mean” lows

Who will laugh when he wakes up in the morning because he is covered from head to toe

in test strips because “someone” was half asleep and low while testing in bed in the middle of the
night and didn’t realize the entire opened bottle of strips didn’t make it back into their case

It takes a special kind of man, one who will obsessively look on EBay for test strips at a lower cost

than going through the insurance/pharmacy companies and find 600 for only .27ea!!!! (that’s unheard of by the way)

It takes a man who actually measures out food portions when he is the one making dinner

It takes a special kind of man to know it’s important how many carbs and not sugar are in the juice

boxes he is buying for his wife

It takes a man who reminds his wife during her break downs that he knew about what he was

getting into with her T1D when he married her and he loves her anyway and will continue to do so

A man who will stop her from eating the entire pantry/refrigerator contents when low

Or tell her to check again when she is low because the reading on the meter seems way off

It takes a special kind of man to deal with the financial aspects

It takes a special kind of man that is willing to give up Ted Drew’s Frozen custard after dinner and have a healthier less BG crazy banana chocolate shake instead (Recipe below)

I have that special kind of man

This is my man, the one I am blessed to have

 

I think I’ve mentions my new favorite ice cream/frozen custard substitute in other posts. This does not seem to wreck havoc on my numbers and I seem to do pretty well. I know some other T1’s have issues with bananas so it’s up to you. It tastes a lot like a Wendy’s  Frosty, it helps to cut the craving and it’s healthy!

 

1 Frozen banana

1 cup of plain unsweetened vanilla almond milk

1 tbl spoon of cocoa powder

1 tbl spoon ground flax seed or chia seeds

8-10 ice cubes

 

Mix in blender until well blended and the consistency that you prefer. Pretty much the only carbs you have to worry about are from the banana. Cocoa powder has none and if you get the correct almond milk there is maybe 1 gram of carb. Check the flax or chia seeds first too, because they don’t seem to affect me, but I think there might me enough fiber that you would need to calculate that as a factor when bolusing. I’ve done this so many times now I just know the units of insulin I need to cover it, and no spikes like I would with any other frozen treat!

Slacker... But Not How You Think

I splurged today…. I know, when you think of splurging you are thinking that I dove into something chocolate, or a piece of cake or a donut, or a cookie or fudge or....... the list goes on. Nope, I wish that was what I had done. Instead I bought a Naked Red Machine fruit smoothie. I had no leftovers to bring to work, no fresh veggies that I could just bring with me, all I had was bread and cheese so a toasted cheese sandwich it was. We haven’t been eating the best lately and I really wanted a salad, but couldn’t think of any place to go where I could get a healthy salad. So when I went to Target on my break I got the Naked drink, even though originally I wanted the veggie one I realized that there really isn’t one loaded with veggies and I guess if there was it would be pretty dang nasty.

 When I say it was a splurge that’s because I usually stay away from those sorts of drinks because of all the sugar. This one had 61 grams of carbs! That’s 7.7 units of insulin for me and I had already had 21 carbs with my sandwich. I generally try to stay between 45-50 grams carbs per meal. Even though these drinks may be natural sugars they will still spike me and are a pretty big no no.

 I have been thinking a lot about “good” diabetics and “bad” diabetics lately and about poor control, good control and tight control. I like to think that I’m pretty tight on my control. It doesn’t matter how tight on controlling eating habits,  how great the basal rates are set on a pump, or being sure to bolus 15-20 minutes before eating or how often a person exercises,  it really doesn’t matter what a diabetic or their health team does, diabetes is diabetes and it will do what it wants when it wants. It has a mind of its own. Yes, taking all of these steps and doing all of these things helps, they all drastically help. Yet 2+2 does not always = 4 when it comes to diabetes.  2+2 can = 10, it can = 25, it can = 68 or it can = 250. Math and diabetes, they don’t work well together, but at the same time math is the only solution for the lovely “D”, and I do more math on a daily basis that I ever really care to. I have to do math before I eat, math before working out, math before sleeping sometimes.

 

With all of this, I’m cutting myself some slack, and when I say cutting myself some slack I don’t mean that I’m slacking off on taking care of myself, but I’m allowing myself to splurge a little more on what I eat and I’m trying not to be so hard on myself when I see any ugly number on my meter. I think that having an amazing A1C in July helped with this for sure. If I end up above 200 ok, what do I need to do to get down? If I end up below 80 multiple times in a day, okay, eat fruit snacks and take it easy and don’t work out if it comes to that. Question what the cause and solution is, but if I can't figure where things went wrong, because most of the time it just happens, then I let it go and move on. I know it’s just a faze, then again, maybe not, but I haven’t been beating myself up when I see a number I don’t like. I can’t control this disease any more than I can control the weather.

 

 It makes me think I could see why some people don’t take care of themselves, it’s a whole lot of hard work. If I didn’t have the motivation of having a baby some day, or being married for 70 years, (yes, that’s what Brad tells people, that we will be married for 70 years and I’m going with it!), or the rest of my family then maybe I would be headed down a dark road.  I have to remind myself as I’ve said in other posts that my health isn’t just about me, taking care of myself is about those around me as well, because I am cared about. It’s so easy to give up, so easy to just crumple up on the floor, have a hissy fit pity party and cry, and believe me, I’ve done it plenty. Yet I can’t stay there. I just read a post on Face Book today from Type 1 Diabetes Memes about the perfect diabetic and it doesn’t exist. It just doesn’t, we are human just like everyone else.

 

So if you are reading this, and you have been in a place where you feel you can’t do anything right for your “D” and you think you will never get to the point of actually being proud of yourself and how you take care of yourself. I give you permission to stop. Stop playing the blame game, stop beating yourself up, STOP STOP STOP. Do remind yourself that you are human, DO remind yourself that you are strong, DO remind yourself that you are not alone, DO remind yourself that you can do it, Do check out the You Can Do This Project.

 

On that note, I'm going to go ride my bike and have a banana chocolate smoothie later tonight.  

 

Hockey game, security and wands

Hockey is back baby!!! A coworker gave me tickets for the preseason opener Friday night. It was a great night! Hubs and I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then met up at the arena with his cousin and his wife. Lines were out the door long, but moving pretty quickly. I've been to plenty of baseball games, there have never been metal detectors or wands so I gave security no thought until we got close to the head of the line. Security was checking everyone out with metal detecting wands. Great! We were told to remove anything metal from our purces so as I was trying to take things like keys, make up brush, compact mirror, purse table holder and the like out of my  Mary Poppins bag my husband who was ahead of me was telling security they couldn't wand me, I have an insulin pump. Security dude in our line waved over the security lady in the line next to ours and told her to check my purse and pat me down, don't wand me. So as she is taking the extra time, (maybe it only seemed longer because of the attention I was getting), patting me down and closely inspecting (ok maybe just glancing), I'm my purse, people are starting to stare and the head security chick is trying to yell at her above the crowd that there is really no need to pat me down, just check my purse. I'm sure it didn't take as long as it felt and I sure am glad I didn't know ahead of time about the metal detectors or I would have been a nervous stress ball all day/evening before hand thinking about and wondering if security and hubby would get into a fight about my pump, me jumping in or crying out of frustration. Thankfully none of the scenarios I would have possibly thought of in my mind even came close to happening and I had no chance really of even thinking of those scenarios. Security was curtious and made no big deal. Now I just pray no issues with TSA or anything next month. I do plan to try out the TSA Cares program that I've read about among the DOC. Flying and airports make me nervous anyway, now having this pump..... I'm so tempted to take a pumpcation while on vacation.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week 2013

Did you know that this week is Invisible Illness Week? I just found out myself. Click the link for more info or to participate yourself. Also, here is the link for the 30 Things About My Illness You May Not Know.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1.The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes; Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Diabetes Insipidus and Hypo Thyroid

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: T1D 2008; PCOS 2009; DI 2011 ; Hypo Thyroid 2013

               

3. But I had symptoms since: T1D symptoms started about a year before. Lost 30lbs in a years time, infections bruises and cuts that wouldn't heal. Then the last straw was peeing and drinking ALL the time. PCOS, that was 12 years and ten doctors before being diagnosed. Diabetes Insipudis was about 5 months before diagnosis. Hypo Thyroid was I’m really not sure how long I had symptoms, maybe 6-12 months before diagnosis and really didn't know it.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: T1D: injections, blood testing lots of times o day, doctor’s appointments, all the crap I have to carry around, carb counting, wearing a pump, no more fun summer dresses without being a royal pain in the hinney, being really in tune with my body for highs and lows, the list goes on and on and on…. Was I to just pick one adjustment per illness? My bad! PCOS, DI and Thyroid are just pills

5. Most people assume: That with T1 I just can’t eat sugar and it’s no big deal. But I can eat a lot of what I want, it’s just if I want to pay the consequences later on some things. Now that I’m on a pump, it acts just like a pancreas but I control it so really there are just a few things I may choose not to eat anymore at all or only at certain times because of the way those foods will affect me.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Having to eat breakfast. I could skip, but I know I’ll be hungry once I get to work and I can’t just grab a donut or something from the vending machine. I do need to eat healthy because breakfast really does have a huge affect on the rest of my day and blood sugars.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: It was Mob Doctor, but I don’t think it’s on anymore.

8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: My blood glucose meter

9. The hardest part about nights are: Sometimes it’s remembering to check my BG before bed. If I end up remembering after I've brushed my teeth and then have to eat a snack to keep from going low at night. That’s just rotten!

10. Each day I take pills & vitamins. Both- 3 types of pills and 5 vitamins

11. Regarding alternative treatments I:  I think that they can be good, and I know that some people reading this will not agree with me…. Type 1 there is NO alternative to insulin. I don’t care who you are, if you are not using insulin you are not T1. I met a woman recently who insisted that her doctor diagnosed her with T1 and all she had to do was a no carb diet. Really? Get another doctor! PCOS, I’ve looked into alternatives and for me they don’t work. Only pills and the same with DI and Hypo Thyroid.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Invisible for sure! As it is I hate it if a high or low cause me to receive attention. I don’t even like it sometimes when my husband starts when I’m low. Sometimes during a bad low I just need to be left alone, but kept an eye on, and given peace and quiet so I don’t flip out.

13. Regarding working and career: I have to work for health insurance. No independent business on my own, gotta work for a company. I've said it in past blogs, but it does kinda suck. I've had ideas of other things I've wanted to do recently, but I can’t branch out independently.

14. People would be surprised to know: I still think that despite my blogging no one other than another t1 can understand how much work this disease is! It’s tiring. Also, that despite a happy face that I try most of the time to slap on, how not good and unhealthy I feel most of the time. I've pretty much forgotten what feeling “normal” is like.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Well, the pump is the newest reality, so I guess not wearing what I want all the time. I know that as women getting dressed can be multiple wardrobe changes but wearing a pump makes it SOOO much harder. I've really struggled with that this summer and have wanted to go out on a shopping spree. I've felt very frumpy, gross and unattractive in my clothing for most of the summer. I know this may seem vain, but when there are so many other things along with the disease to worry about it just heightens the small things as well on top of just adding feeling unattractive.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I can’t think of anything, maybe when I’ve had a baby that will be different.

17. The commercials about my illness: Hate them all, pretty much a bunch of crap info that is incorrect.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Eating ice cream when I want and 7Eleven slurpees and Icees from the movie theater.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: See #15 and #18

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Blogging, and reading other blogs on T1. Or maybe it’s more of an obsession.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I'd eat whatever I wanted, but not over eat so that I could go on a nice long walk or bike ride without worrying about a low or high or having to take my pump with me and then I'd eat a huge chocolaty ice cream something for dinner.  I'd also wear one of my favorite dresses all day no matter what I was doing that day since I haven't really for more than a couple of hours all summer cuz it's a pain. I'd also go swimming and it would be glorious because I wouldn't have to worry about checking my BG and bolusing insulin every hour during swim time. 

22. My illness has taught me: That I’m stronger that I ever thought I could be. There is no choice.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: I don’t want to hear about the person you know that had a limb cut off or passed away because of diabetes. I don’t want to hear about the risks of pregnancy or how you know someone who’s child passed away or was born with  severe problems because of their gestational diabetes. I know these things, I don’t live under a rock, I’m a smart person that does lots of reading and research on this. I don’t want to hear the negative, I live with enough fear regarding this. Also, I don’t need people to monitor me when I eat. What I eat and when I eat is no one else’s business. Only one person has permission to monitor me and what and when I’m eating and that’s my husband and he does it when I’m low to keep me from eating everything inside the pantry and fridge. Oops, I was to choose one thing? Oh well…

24. But I love it when people: Actually listen when they have asked a question and they really care.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: If it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:  It’s really not the end of the world, but it’s okay to mourn the loss of your previous life as you know it. Cry, get mad, scream about it. It’s a hard sucky life, but you can do it, you are not alone and you are stronger than you realize. Even after a few years, it doesn't really get easier so it’ s okay to still have those times of feeling empty, lost and a frustrated. Personally, I have never had to seek therapy or use meds for depression, but a lot of people with T1 have and do and there is no shame in that. If you get to that point don’t be ashamed, seek help for it or if you have to go on meds, it’s okay and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself for it. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help and reach out for support. You need to, it’s essential to have at least 1 person that you trust and is in your corner cheering you on in this fight. So don’t be afraid to find someone to back you up.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How sensitive it has made me to others with an illness. We have no idea what someone else is going through if we are not dealing with it ourselves.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: Probably hubs, when he keeps an eye on me, takes over dinner prep when I’m low. Speaks up when we are out with people and I’m not feeling well and makes sure that I’m taken care of or takes steps to make sure there are no issues.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I think it’s important for people to know about this and be educated on this disease.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Not alone, that you care, and want to try and understand what I have to go through on a daily basis. Thank you!

P.S . Due to operator error, for some reason sometimes when I start out writing my blog in a Word document and then paste it for some reason some of the paragraphs/words come up bold and I can't see to change it. Sorry for the annoyance!