Friday, November 8, 2013

Not Playing Nice

Late yesterday into last night was BAD. It's been busy at work and honestly diabetes was the last thing on my mind yesterday afternoon. I didn't realize until 4:30ish that I had been peeing about every 30 minutes or so and guzzling water. Even when I'm not high I drink a lot and pee a lot. That was more than usual. I realized it as I was trying to get my last order in for the day and my head started to feel heavy and I couldn't concentrate on my computer screen, and I had to pee again. I ran to the restroom, filled my water bottle and then checked my bg. 220, that explained it. So I gave myself just a tad less insulin than what my pump said because I planned to be home and getting a good work out in, in less than an hour. I didn't want to have too much insulin in my system and crash. But that's exactly what happened. I got home, I had dropped to 198 with about 2 units of insulin on bored, and I set my pump at a temp basal of 60%. BAD IDEA!!! I should have not worked out, or disconnected, or gone much lower on the temp basal, or suspended my pump, or..... Who knows what I should have really done. In 30 minutes of biking I dropped from 198 to 45. Ok, as if that wasn't bad enough I skyrocketed after dinner to 210. Needless to to say I felt like crap and diabetes was being a totally butt head. I guess it was about time tho. Vacation, no real issues, being out of town last weekend, no real issues there. So having a craptastic night I should have cut myself some slack, but at the end of the night I didn't. Brushing my teeth at about 10:30 and Brad comes in. Right when I was putting mouthwash in my mouth he said something along the lines about how I hadn't had a day like that in a while and what happened? I leaned against the wall swishing mouthwash around inside my mouth and the tears started to well up. He didn't mean that it was my fault, but as it goes, I was playing the blame game. Shoulda, coulda, woulda going around in my head and feeling guilty but thankful at the same time that I'm not pregnant. Then wondering if me getting pregnant is such a good idea. Can I hack it? A day like yesterday and who knows what that would do to an unborn child!!! I know I was going overboard, but that's how it goes. As the tears were streaming down my cheeks and I have my mouth full still, Brad just grabs me and hugs me, rubbing my back and telling me it's okay. Ever Mr positive, he says things like, you are healthy despite the diabetes, you take good care of yourself, you are alive, not in a comma or having seizures. You have never had to be admitted to the hospital, it's been a while since you've had a really bad day. Cut yourself some slack. You are okay. He was right. Diabetes was being a total butt head, not playing nice, it never does, but I have to cut myself some slack. If we knew what happened or why then we would have a better understanding of the disease but we don't. If we did there might be a cure. So while there isn't one and we wait, we fight back and play nice even when it doesn't and cut ourselves some slack otherwise we'd go insane!

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