Thursday, September 11, 2014

While Keeping THE Secret-Week 10

As of yesterday I'm 18 weeks! Wow how time is flying by. Next Thursday we find out if Baby is a boy or a girl! So excited for that. I can't believe the we are only 2 weeks away from the half way point! For all we know we could have already hit the half way point if I have to go early, but Lord willing I will be able to go up to the full 40 weeks and let little one come naturally with no induction.

Here is what was going on at 10 weeks....

July 16, Week 10:

Wow! Today is officially the first day of week 10 and boy do I feel like a COW! So far I have not had a constant desire to devour everything in front of me. So far I’ve felt way too bloated and get really full really quickly that I can’t eat much in one sitting. This is something to get accustom to because I have unfortunately forgotten at times that I can only eat so much, pre-bolus before eating and then I get full really fast with more insulin on board than the food that I thought I would be able to eat. Then of course I drop and I have to chug juice or something. This is the first day that I have really been eating what feels like eating for 2 may feel like, but it’s not because I’m really hungry. Yes, I have been hungrier today than I feel like I have in 10 weeks, but my BGs keep going down. I know that the typical type 1 will start getting crazy excessive lows between weeks 8-9, and I guess I’ve had more than before but I kinda think that’s because I’m so afraid of highs right now and I know that I’m over calculating carbs and insulin, which I know is also not a good thing at all. So today, I’ve grazed, and grazed and grazed. I know I’ve read that for the typical woman it’s best to eat 6 small meals a day or to eat every 2 hours to help with this bloating/full issue. This is where the issue with T1D comes in. To make sure that not too much or too little insulin is on board and to make sure that BGs stay steady and not roller coaster or run high it’s best for someone like me to eat every 3 to 4 hours, not every two. Today, that’s not really been possible. I’ve been snacking every 2 hours at least, if not every hour. I don’t want to put anything else in me, but as I watched my Dexcom screen earlier my BG was slowly creeping down again. I ate a handful of potato chips and that seems to have finally kicked in because I’m now going up a bit. I know, my last choice of snack not the best but I really am trying to stay as healthy and nutritious as possible with my snack/meal/and low treatment choices as I possibly can. This has been hard because veggies are gross to me right now, really really gross. I can eat something one day and the next I almost lose my stomach if I don’t get away from the smell/sight of it fast enough. Thankfully, this is the extent of sickness for me. I really am not having too bad of an issue with sickness, it’s just veggies/salads that I’m really struggling with. I hate that, because I so want to eat healthy and get the best nutrients that I can and being disgusted by veggies just stinks. (Literally) So today since I’ve been grazing I think I’ve done pretty well staying away from the bad unhealthy things that I could be devouring. I had my normal breakfast of oatmeal with almond milk, about a 4th cup of blueberries, a table spoon of peanut butter and an orange on the side. A couple hours later it was raisins and almonds, a little after that yogurt. Not long after that was lunch of a peanut butter and honey(from a local bee keeper) on whole grain bread. Then of course I couldn’t go more than an hour after that then I had a cheese stick and some more almonds and some cashews.  Then I had the potato chips and another cheese stick. I was really hoping to go without eating something until dinner time which is usually between 6:30 and 7, but now I’m eating a Aldi Kind bar knock off. I was starting to get a tad bit queasy and now my BG is creeping back to lower 80’s again. Plus I want to get a work out in still before dinner. So back to this bloating issue…. I know I shouldn’t be showing yet, but dang this bloating is crazy! At week 8 I had two random people actually say something about when I was due. Really?! I know I had a bit of a tummy pooch before but this is just a bit of a bummer. A friend of mine who is 11 weeks ahead of me is not even showing yet, I look more preggers than she does! I think that my biggest concern along with weight gain is that if this isn’t giving the secret away then as much as I’ve eaten today may. We just told Brad’s family this past weekend. This Saturday we are telling a couple of really good friends of ours, Sunday we are telling my family and then after that we’ll start making more phone calls. There are a couple of other people I have to tell before I even tell work because I’m afraid once I tell work it will end up on social media or…. through the grape vine, my bestie growing up who still talks to the owner of the company I work for will find out that way. This is way more complicated than I imagined and we gotta start telling soon. I have my second doctor appointment tomorrow, which is actually my first prenatal appointment since the first was just the ultrasound. Which by the way, that was one of the most amazing things ever! It was such a relief to see that everything was okay. I know I don’t usually look forward to doctor’s appointments, and I’m sure I will start to get sick of them, but for right now I’m looking forward to and excited for each of the upcoming ones that I already have scheduled. I know that they will put my mind at ease. I’m really not complaining about any of this, just telling how it is for me so far as a T1D who is growing a human in her belly. Yay! This is so exciting! I think now that we have at least told Brad’s family it’s becoming more real. I’m so overwhelmed at times over the past week with happiness that I cry happy tears of joy. That’s mainly when I’m in the car and I’m listening to Jonathan David and Melissa Helser’s newest album. Some of their stuff just gets me, and I end up crying thank yous to Jesus. I’m so amazed!

Friday, September 5, 2014

What Does The Body Of A Diabetic Look Like?

What does the body of a diabetic look like?

 We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ethnic origin, religious and social backgrounds. We are all unique, but all share some common tell tale signs. You would never know just by looking at us on a daily basis. You may not even know on a regular basis if you don’t see a diabetic managing their chronic illness. Some of us have learned an art of hiding it from you and have no desire to share this information with anyone other than close family or who they deem to be important or need to know. Others of us would like to make the world aware of our disease and educate everyone we can. You might get a glimpse of what you  might assume to be a cell phone, pager or camera but what is really an insulin pump. You would never give it a second thought, unless you where one of us, because seeing someone like us out in real life is so far and few between.  

 So what does the body of a diabetic look like?

 If you look closely you will see multitudes of very small dots on finger tips and calluses from finger sticks.
  You will see tiny dots on a stomach, sides, shoulders, legs, hips, thighs or arms. Dots from the needles of insulin injections, insulin pump infusions sites or CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) sites.
  You very well may see skin irritation from these sites and or the skin tape/tac that is used sometimes to keep these things in place.
  In the summer you might see a circular like tan line from a sensor and or infusion site/tape.
  Sometimes you might see a bruised vein in the arm from getting blood work done and a nurse didn’t know what they were doing or couldn’t find a vein at first.
  You might see one of us looking like we are having a hot flash or a dazed and confused look on our face due to a sever blood sugar low reaction.
  You might see a bruise or a scrape on a body part that was a wound from a clumsy mistake that was made during a blood sugar low.
  Occasionally you may see a bruise from an insulin injection, insulin pump infusion site or CGM site that developed after a blood vessel was hit during the process of trying to stick the need in the correct spot.

I started thinking about these things this afternoon after I for some reason decided to count the little dots on my love handles and stomach. Since I use my sides more often than my stomach I only had 6 dots on my stomach and 10 dots on my left side and 16 on my right. Most are pretty faded, but they are still there. I also have a couple of tan marks from my infusion sites from the last weekend when we were at the lake and I’m sure to have a tan mark on my thigh when I remove my sensor that I’ve had on for quite some time.  
Are there other physical signs not listed that you get or have?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

While Keeping THE Secret-Day Before The Big Day: Week 7

I'm 16 weeks today!!! Baby is now the size of an avocado!!!

But here is what was going on at 7 weeks...Be warned, I'm pretty blunt and honest about my fears and worries in this one and some may find it offensive...

7 Weeks and 6 days: Monday June 30

Tomorrow is the BIG day! It’s the day that I’ve been waiting for since we found out. I’m so excited, yet nervous and apprehensive. I just want to know that everything is okay. I know that is how I will be each and every time we have an appointment, but it will put my mind at ease just a bit for a afterwards if, God willing everything checks out okay with every ultrasound, every test.

 I was thinking about it today, how all mamas to be worry, but how much more I have to be concerned over. I was talking to someone the other day who had had a miscarriage and they said that it had never even occurred to them that would even be a possibility for them. Unfortunately that has been one of many fears that I have. I'm not sure how many nightmares I've had about it. As awful as this sounds, part of me would rather that happen than have something be seriously wrong. I know that no one wishes for any kind of issues with their baby, but I feel like I’m praying hourly for our little jalapeno. (That a huge craving, spicy and jalapenos. So I'm nick naming little one jalapeno) It’s been tough for me too because for some reason I’m having real issues with getting my BGs in line. This early on I didn't expect to have an issue. I’m trying so hard and yet…. For example it’s been that I bolus for a meal, my BGs drop before I’m even finished with my meal, they finally get to a safer range maybe an hour or more after I've finished my meal only sometimes after downing a juice. I then wait for a safe BG to show up, once I see a number that I’m more comfortable with I then bolus for the juice or whatever sugary substance I put into my system. Then maybe 2-4 hours after I've eaten, my BGs climb, and climb and climb. Most of the time I still have too much insulin on board to do a correction so it’s either I jump on my stationary bike or do a work out of some sort. That will usually help, but then it still takes some time and eventually correction boluses and then it’s never a smooth landing. It’s usually a crash and the process starts all over again. I’m getting fed up and it’s scary. I worry about what is going on inside of me. I talked to my CDE about this last week. She gave me some assurance and I’m hoping after tomorrow’s ultrasound and seeing the doctor and the tune ups that my CDE added to my pump today, that I’ll feel better about things. When I talked to my CDE last week she said that this early some women do have insulin resistance, not all, but some women do have it before the season of lows start to kick in and hang out between 8-20 weeks. She said that at this point with progesterone production getting kicked into high gear that can be the cause of insulin resistance. I’m thinking that on top of that the reason that I’m bottoming out so soon after taking my meal time insulin is possibly something I read recently. I read that it takes the body longer to metabolize food when pregnant due to how the body is pulling nutrients from the food for the baby. That has me wondering if that is why it's taking longer for my BGs to go high after meals instead of right away and my insulin that I took for the meal is already waning from my system. I've never heard of any of this in any of the books or anything that I've read on Type 1 and pregnancy so I really don't know. I had never hear or read what my CDE told me either so I find that quite odd. I'm definitely bringing all this up at my appointment tomorrow. I'm sitting here, trying not to freak out about how I'm seeing my BGs climb right now and wondering what to do. Am I too high to go work out? This number is ugly and making me mad. I'm trying to trust in the Lord and realize He is in control of this growing little one anyway and He knows what He is doing. I know that this is just the beginning of a new and difficult journey, a journey that I have prayed for so I'm just try to be thankful. Thankful that I haven't had much in the way of morning sickness at all, that my energy has been higher that I would ever expect and that I'm mainly just dealing with cramping, sore chest, craving for spicy food and a few food aversions. Which is also not the best thing, I'm craving all unhealthy awful for me food, like fast food and I gag at my healthy favorites. Cooked greens of any kind, asparagus, brusssle sprouts, spinach, green beans, they all gag me. Avocado is a wild card and I LOVE avocado! Onions are a huge no no and eggs for breakfast, can't even think about that. 

I really want tomorrow morning to hurry up and get here! In the meantime I guess I'll go work out and try and get this ugly high down.  

**My spicy and jalapeno craving have now subsided so each week baby is pretty much referred to as whatever fruit it's the size of for the week. Also, seeing the ultrasound the next day for the first time was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Baby was just as it should be, looked to be the right size for the estimated due date and the heart rate was beautiful!***

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Infections, Blood Sugars and Pregnancy

How Infections Affect Blood Sugars/Pregnancy

 Over the last several weeks I’ve been struggling with some wonkey blood sugars, they’ve been high overnight and going high an hour to two hours after meals and not coming down in a timely or nice fashion. At least not as I’d like being pregnant and all.  I’m 16 weeks into my pregnancy tomorrow and I was sure that I shouldn’t be hitting insulin resistance quite yet, that I should have maybe somewhere around another month or so before that kicks in but with the way my body seems to just not follow text book standards I was starting to think that’s the direction I was heading.

 Then last week on Monday I had my every 4 week prenatal appointment with my perinatalogist and I asked him how often a pregnant woman really should be peeing. He said with me being diabetic, having DI and being pregnant that I would be going a lot. I told him that I really didn’t feel that my BGs should be affecting how often I go, which even though I’ve struggled with being higher than I’d like for longer than I’d like at times I only had a few times that I’ve been high enough to make me go so much. There have been a few times that I’ve reach above 200 and stayed there for a while and I think there was a time I reached into the 300’s. That was rough and really scary. I told the doc that some days it seems like I’m going every 30 maybe even 15 minutes! I had no symptoms of a bladder infection but he said he would have a urine culture done anyway. He also discovered after I asked about when a couple of blood tests would be done, that I hadn’t gotten prenatal blood work done and it should have been done at my first appointment. Lovely……….

 Friday we were on the road to KC to see family for the weekend and I got a call from one of the nurses. I have to say that I’m thankful that I’m a reader and a researcher and that I asked about the blood tests getting done when I did. I didn’t know my blood type before but I do now! First thing that the nurse brought to my attention and went over with me that we need to monitor is that I am RH negative, Brad is not sure his blood type but we know that both of his parents are positive so at 28 weeks I’ll need to have a shot to make sure that it doesn’t affect anything, which it shouldn’t since it’s my first pregnancy, but to be on the safe side, it’s standard and because it's pretty likely then that baby could be a positive blood type.

 Next… why have I been having issues with my BGs and peeing more??? No bladder infection but they did go ahead and check for Group Beta Strep which is usually checked for latter in the pregnancy but guess what?! Not only am I carrier I actually have an infection! Because there are no symptoms other than urinating more, at least that’s what the nurse said can happen even though when I’ve read about it it says that it can cause bladder infections which they didn’t find, not necessarily that it would make me go more… Anyway, I’m now on an antibiotic to kick it. I talked to my CDE yesterday after I sent in my BG log and she said that after 3 days of the antibiotics we should see a change in my BGs. She did go ahead and have me make a few changes to my basal rates and insulin to carb ratios, but she wants me to touch base before the long weekend because she was really hesitant that with the meds kicking in I’ll be back to having lows more often. Since I started on the antibiotic Friday night yesterday would have made it 3 days. Like she said, I’m seeing a difference already! I had a bad night on Saturday where I was awake if not every 30 minutes then it was about every 60 to give a correction of insulin on top of the 45% basal increase I had set on my pump and I still couldn’t get below 150 for over 6 hours. Pre-pregnancy, I wouldn’t have cared, I probably would have gotten even higher actually because I would have set the high snooze alarm on my Dexcom for more than 30 minutes and wouldn’t have been giving crazy amounts of insulin. Being pregnant, I don’t want to even go there! Last night I woke up to my low alarm twice and I was in fact low and had to get up and drink juice. This morning when I woke up things started out a bit rough being low again and instead of eating breakfast I drank juice again. I think after that the other glasses of juice from a couple of hours earlier kicked in because then I started to go high. I waited to eat and ate almost right before walking out the door for work and then all morning I’ve needed to snack to keep my BGs up. Again, I’m so thankful for modern medicine and the advantages that we have today. Looks like I may be back to avoiding so many highs! Just praying that the ones I have had haven’t already made an impact on this little person. People are getting summer colds and funk around work so I'm trying to keep a good intake of vitamin C in my system each day. After these last couple of weeks fighting an infection I didn't even know I had the last thing I need is to get sick on top of it! I'm not just being paranoid or a germaphobe, but as it is prego ladies already have a compromise immune system, diabetics even more so. Then add getting sick to top all of that off that will increase BGs which are scary for a growing baby in the mama's tummy. I know that this cold and flu season my co-workers and friends who just don't get it will think I'm an even bigger germaphobe, and I hope they are more sensitive and realize how important it is for me not to get sick!  Anxiety up until every ultrasound/doctor appointment is killer sometimes. Let's see this baby is doing well and avoiding this mommy's blood sugar issues.

Friday, August 22, 2014

While Keeping THE Secret-What Was Really Going On: Week 5

This secret has been sooo hard to keep!
It was so hard for a year and 3 months to hear and see everyone else getting pregnant. Facebook was becoming torture and even going to church or any social event was getting to the point that all I wanted was to be a hermit and stop hearing seeing that everyone was getting pregnant but me! It was like all anyone else had to do was have sex and boom! There's a baby whether they wanted that baby or not! We on the other hand if you either know me personally and I have opened up to you or you have been following my blog know that getting pregnant was not so easy for us. So for then 2 months it was hard being on Facebook and going anyplace and not blabbing our news. It didn't help that in a 2 week time I had social events scheduled with different sets of girlfriends that I don't get to see very often and I had to keep my lips sealed. Also in that two week time I saw my sister who I rarely see and I still had to keep the secret. Which was not the easiest because when I saw my sister I was not feeling the best.

Since there has been so much on my mind and so much that I’ve wanted to write about I decided to still write when I had the inkling so that all my thoughts were typed out in real time and I didn’t miss anything. The rest of this post and several to follow will be some of those posts so you get to see what was going on in our lives and in my head as it was happening as a pregnant Type 1.

5 Weeks and 6 days: Tuesday June 17

There have been a ton of feelings since we found out. Right now, as I write this, it still hasn't quite hit me, it does yet it doesn't quite feel like a reality. We have exactly 2 weeks before our Big appointment when we get to see the first pictures of our little jalapeno and then maybe, just maybe things will feel more real.

 Before I even took the tests, I knew. In my gut. It was different this time. I think that the diabetes and other health issues have made me so self aware and so in tune with my body that I just knew something was different. I didn't have any of the standard signs that you hear everyone talk about, no morning sickness, no cravings, no overly emotional. No, I had symptoms that of course I played off at first to being side effects of the hell pills I was on to get me to this point. I had cramps about a week before I should have started, which is when I had been starting to get them over the last couple of months prior, but they felt different this time. My chest was very sore and tender, but that also felt different. I know that “they”, whoever “they” are, say that symptoms aren't felt until 5, maybe 6 weeks but the more I read others blogs the more I saw that’s not always the case. I finally found in "What To Expect When You're Expecting" that said that frequent urination can start as soon as 2 weeks! Well that explains a lot. With my DI I was thinking that was being affected and that maybe my meds needed to be increased, but when I called my doctor's office and asked the nurse said no. No need to increase anything yet, that the DI shouldn't be affecting anything quite yet.

 My reaction to the plus sign on the test stick wasn't what I expected, maybe because I couldn't believe it, maybe because I was too scared. I had checked 2 days earlier than maybe I should have. I knew I wouldn't really believe it until I had real confirmation. I did take a third test 2 days latter and then called my doctor who then had me get the blood work done to confirm. When the nurse called me back she said that I was very pregnant! I don't even know what that means! Anyway when I had thought about the day that I would first see a positive sign I thought I would cry hysterically from sheer joy and then jump up and down and scream in giddy excitement but I did neither. I was too stunned I think. After all this time, after 1 year and 3 moths I had started to lose faith, started to think maybe it wasn't supposed to happen for us. I know that isn't a long time compared to some, but I think with all the preparing myself due to “D” and getting myself ready and then thinking that we had been trying for a year to then find out that we needed help that in turn made it feel like we were back at square 1 and that the last year was not really trying at all………….. I think I was dumbfounded. I remember crying in the shower later that day, it was a happy cry. I had to get ready to go to a wedding and wasn't sure I was going to be emotionally put together. I don’t cry at weddings, I never have, but I sure as heck did tear up and thought I could lose it a couple of times during the ceremony. I think just because I was still feeling very overwhelmed. That’s weird to think it was only a little over a week ago, I feel like that was forever, I feel like I've known forever. But, I haven’t.

 This secret is hard to keep. I want to shout it from the mountain tops! “Look what the Lord has done! Look! It happened! Look all my hard work paid off of getting myself ready!!!” When I really let myself go there, and think about it that way I start to tear up and a few times I have cried a little. It’s exciting and happy. I thought I would be a lot more scared of my BGs and what they are doing to things on the inside, but I've felt at peace. I know I've prayed for that, but I never expected to be this peaceful and calm about it. Maybe because my BGs have been absolutely incredibly amazing! That’ s a nice thing, that beautiful BGs happen in the very beginning. I haven’t hit the low all the time faze yet. I know that’s coming in the next few weeks.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have had some highs, but thankfully they haven’t lasted long and any that did seem a bit stubborn to come down have happened at home and I’m able to go jump on my stationary bike and ride the sucker down. That did bite me in the butt the other night. I had crept up to 177, had been above 150 for over a couple of hours and I decided to go ride the bike for a few to get things down to a better level. I had insulin on board, but since it hadn’t seemed to be kicking in the way I wanted I decided to try the bike. It worked, but since my CGM has been a fritz case lately and not on target like I would like, it kept telling me all night long that I was in the 60s/50s and I wasn’t. There was one time that I was 60 something but the rest of the time when I did a finger stick I was in the 80’s and 90’s. Ugh! At least I got myself down. July 1st at 9am cannot come fast enough! I want to see the ultrasound pictures of our baby and hear the heartbeat! Come on July first and just get here!


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

6 Years of Living Life to the Fullest!

I completely forgot this morning until after I ate half of a chocolate long john donut that today marks 6 years of living with type 1 diabetes. Or at least since my diagnosis since I believe I started developing the disease at least a year before my diagnosis. Anyway, I felt a very strong pull to eat a half of a long john, they were sitting on the kitchen table at work calling my name. I usually ignore them, I usually pass by and act as if I don’t hear them calling out to me but this morning there was no denying that they were calling to me. So I gave in. After I ate it and when I realized that today is my 6 year diaversary I didn’t feel quite so bad, kind of a celebratory way to say in your face diabetes! My Dexcom was giving me a far off after breakfast reading of 145 BG because when I checked I was only 106 so I felt okay to eat the donut despite the fact that I have been struggling a bit with keeping my BGs from rollercoastering and I’ve been higher than I’d like. Which I thought I would have another month or so before insulin resistance started to kick in due to the growing little one inside my belly along with my growing body in general, but I can only say that maybe the crazy BGs are happening because I’m on the tail end of the valley of lows that happen between the 1st trimester and beginning to mid second trimester? I don’t know.

Anyway, I can’t believe that it’s been 6 years! It seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time I feel like I’ve been living with this disease for much, much longer. As I was lying awake in bed at 3am the other night I was thinking about this disease, pregnancy, life in general and the last 6 years. When I was diagnosed just like anyone else who is told the news, I felt like my life was over. I felt like things would never be the same and I wouldn’t be able to live life to the fullest. I changed my life plans that I had had at the time to leave and move to another state for training in hopes to work and live in a 3rd world country in an orphanage, so that I could stay and take care of my health. I was confused, I was angry, I was scared and lonely. Loneliness was and can still be one of the worst things in living with diabetes. I was right in the fact that my life would change drastically, but it wasn’t over. I was getting hit at the time with all kinds of ugly things that life can throw at a person, not just the diabetes so there was a lot to take in and deal with. But I made it. Diabetes is of course still a struggle at times and always will be unless there is a cure or until the bionic pancreas comes along and helps to make life with T1D easier, but life is not over. When I look back on the past 6 years and beyond I almost feel like I just started living 6 years ago. All of the rough times have made me who I am, and I think I’m a pretty tough cookie and I like who I am.  Not only does today mark 6 years of living with type 1, it also marks 15 weeks of pregnancy and was the first day we went to take a look at and check out the first child care facility that is on our list of options for after I go back to work after maternity leave. These 6 years have been bittersweet and have had lots of learning and growing opportunities regarding diabetes and just life in general. Taking it one day at a time, especially while dealing with diabetes and pregnancy, but trying to not let T1 dictate and rule my life. Of course there are days I can’t do things like work out because of BG lows that I just can’t shake or days I just cry and freak out because of sticky highs that I can’t get down and I’m trouble shooting in my mind and trying to figure out where I went wrong to end up with that sticky high. These things are bound to happen, but that’s just part of my life now. All in all, I’m glad that my 6 year date was today. That I get to celebrate that fact that I’m alive and living to the fullest with diabetes as well as celebrate this new little life growing inside of me. Here is to the next 5 ½  months of pregnancy with Diabetes and to the rest of however many years I am blessed with to live regardless of Diabetes. If I can do it! Happy 6 years of living to me!!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Expected To Pop!

It truly has been a crazy busy summer,  this isn't the reason why I haven't been writing but I guess you could say that this is one of the reasons why.  I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow which also is my Diaverssary of 6 years.  I had thought about waiting a bit longer before announcing the coming of Baby Panke on my blog but as I was lying awake at about 3am this morning I started thinking about my 6 years with diabetes and the pregnancy and I think I have a blog post brewing in my mind that I may combined the 2 topics tomorrow.