Wanting to Give In To Burn Out

I just started to think about how long I’ve been diligently trying for crazy amazing blood sugars and an A1C of the same. I know that we all as T1s’ want this but when trying for a baby it’s something we strive for even more, at least I have. It’s much easier to give in to burn out when you aren’t growing human or trying for one. As of right now it’s been 20 months that I’ve been trying diligently to count every carb and accurately does insulin without swaging, exercise, check my BGs between 10-20 times a day sometimes more depending on the day. By the time little girl shows up and since I plan on nursing, and that is a whole nother reason to stay on top of tight BGs, that will leave me at somewhere around 36 months give or take, or 3 years if you will, of crazy anal control. That’s a loooong time! I was getting really burn out at the 14 month mark, right before we got pregnant. I was starting to slack a bit, but of course once I found out about little one growing inside I was back to being all anal again. Maybe once she is born I’ll let up a bit just because I know she’s not in there anymore relying on me to keep safe and growing healthy in the womb……BUT….. as with everything else BGs seriously affect nursing. I need to do more reading and even ask my CDE and doc more questions because I’ve heard conflicting information, but one thing I do know is that if I run on the higher scale of BGs it can cause milk production to be lacking. We don’t need none of that. Conflicting info I’ve heard? Well, I’ve read that if nursing while BGS are high that the milk itself can be harmful to the baby, then I’ve read that is not true that it doesn’t matter. Either way, I’d rather keeps things at a minimum so there are no issues with milk production, but never nursing with a high BG seems pretty impossible. Altho…… nursing causes lows, which may help against nursing with a high BG? Anyway, with all of this being said.. this is a long time to be so “good” if you will. I don’t know how long I’ll last once she is born. I’m getting tired and if she wasn’t part of the picture right now I know I’d be slacking big time. There is so much pressure and many reasons to keep tight control and I’m getting tired, really tired. I know that it will all be worth it in the end when she is here. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been perfect by any means whatsoever. I’ve guessed at times on the carb count on a much too sugary sweet treat and indulged and paid for it, but I’ve also been on the other end of the spectrum and eaten a less carb/sugar loaded item, counted correctly and dosed correctly and still ended up in tears of frustration wondering what went wrong when I was so sure everything I’d done was right. It’s tough, but I was encouraged the other day when I saw on Facebook another T1D just had her baby boy and he is beautiful and healthy! It was the encouragement I needed to remind myself that I can do it, that Nora will be fine, healthy and beautiful and here before we know it! Now to just get the energy to get the house and her room in order, that’s a whole other story……