Monday, November 3, 2014

Diabetes Awareness Month/Speaking Too Soon

November is diabetes awareness month so I’m trying to follow along with Project Blue November and post pics every day this month of life with diabetes. Here is the link if you’d like to do so as well.!instagram/c1d85 We’ll see how well I do with this. Here are my pics for November 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.

November 1st: Kiss Diabetes Goodbye!
Someday I won't need my CGM!

For some reason I can't get this to flip..

November 2nd: I Am More Than Diabetes
I am much more than diabetes. I’m a wife and a soon to be momma!

Today November 3rd:
Support: My hubby is my biggest and best supporter

Now onto other things. I spoke too soon, or wrote too soon the other day when I posted about how great things have been. Now I’m trying to figure out if my body is trying to come down with something again or what. Talking to Deb my CDE today, she thinks it's just T1D and pregnancy. Last few nights after dinner I’ve been running pretty high and can’t seem to get down until about 2-4am. Even a couple of afternoons I’ve been high after lunch but that’s been a little hit or miss. Mornings have been pretty good, but running a bit low mid morning. Seeing numbers in the 200’s a little too often right now, which is hard enough to see numbers like this when not pregnant. There is enough guilt without trying to grow a healthy human. When there is a little one inside of you it’s about 100 times worse. It’s really hard to concentrate on anything other than trouble shooting, trying to figure out what to do to get that number down, how much insulin is on board and can I give more without overcorrecting, should I set a temp basel rate for the next few hours, is this just pregnancy, is it a sickness coming on, what is it?!!! How is the baby doing with this???!!!! It doesn’t stop!!!! I’ve had my share of crying about it. I’ve done pretty well just trying to stay focused and keep calm and not get stressed about it and cry, but last night wasn’t one of those nights that I just couldn't keep it together. When this happens it’s one of the most lonely feelings in the world because no one I know can possibly understand our relate. And guilty. My mind also goes to, “Should we have done this?” “Was it selfish of me to want a baby?”, “Is she going to survive my stupid BG issues?”, “I know that the doc is happy with my A1C but is he even looking at the roller coaster that happens on a sometimes daily basis?”…… That list goes on and on and on. It's frustrating for me because I read all these other blogs and books about T1D and pregnancy and yeah, it's encouraging to read about how tight control others have and what great A1Cs they are able to accomplish while pregnant and I start to feel like they don't ever have the kinds of highs I go through. Then that just another load of guilt added on like I must not be doing something right or I'm not diligent enough. Last night despite Brad trying to encourage me I broke down. I couldn’t help it. I’d had my baby shower in the afternoon, it was great, but of course carb counting was just total and complete swagging (scientific wild a** guessing), along with the fact that I indulged in the chocolate torte that is to die for by the way that a friend made. She is known for them and it’s so hard to pass up. I caved. I surprisingly didn’t seem to go as high from that as I did later in the evening after eating my veggie and beef soup for dinner. Really???!!! That’s what sent me over the top?! Or was it the chocolate torte from earlier in the day finally kicking in? It’s impossible to tell, but none the less I cried after I spiked around 6:00 and was reaching in the low 200’s around 10:00. All the awful thoughts were assaulting me along with the guilt and fear. Something is going on and it’s gotta be the pregnancy since this has been happening the last 3 nights. Deb and I just made changed again today, I’m praying those take care of things and my BGs look a little better over the next day or so.

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