40 Weeks...Will We Make It

So much has happened in less than a week. Surprisingly diabetes has taken a back seat, for now. When I researched and we prayed about trying for a baby it never occurred to me that any complications would arise during the pregnancy that wouldn't be diabetes related. I wrote a little bit ago about how my blood pressure has been slightly elivated and we were keeping an eye on things. I still have maybe been a little too optimistic or maybe just nieve.

Today I am  32 weeks pregnant, I should have started the NST or baby heart/movement monitoring this week, but I started last week, a week early.  It all started because she had been getting really active and then from that Saturday night to Monday I really didn't feel her enough for my comfort. I called my doc first thing that Monday morning and they had me come in for my first NST session. Baby girl was perfectly fine, just hiding behind my anterior placenta. My blood pressure was high as it had been so the tech took it again at the end of testing and it had barely dropped. She wasn't comfortable just letting me go but my doc was not in the hospital that day so she contacted one of the others out of the practice. That doc said to go ahead and have me schedule another NST later in the week since I was running high. Still I was not thinking much of it and I was totally unprepared for what happened Thursday at that appointment. I went in expecting to maybe have a little elevated BP like I had been, but instead I was just really high. I about flew out of my chair when they told me the number. We checked again after testing was done and I had not dropped enough. My doc happened to be in the testing area at the time so he came over to talk to me. I was still expecting to be sent home or for him to just give me a prescription and send me on my way. Nope, he sent me upstairs to maternity to have my BP and baby's heart monitored and to get blood work done to see if my blood was showing signs of pre-eclampsia. At that point I was still not expecting to be admitted. I did have hubby bring me up an overnight bag just in case. By the time he got to the hospital a few hours later they were admitting me. My BP had come down to what it had been hanging out at the last few weeks, and my blood work didn't show any signs of pre-eclampsia. Of all things my body has to go and be the mystery of course. They had to admit me because my sodium levels were severly low. To the point I could start having seizures at any moment they said. Even though they acted like it was a huge deal and had me somewhat  concerned it still took them another 2-3 hours after admitting me to get the sodium solution hooked up to my IV.  Durring this whole process I can say that baby girl was doing fabulously! They all seemed to be impressed with how well she is doing, so that's a huge releif! She is strong and healthy, Praise God! It's her momma that is making things complicated. On top of all of this I was apparently having contractions that they were surprised I couldn't feel. They were slightly concerned and checked to make sure that I wasn't dialating. Thankfully I wasn't. So by the next morning my sodium levels were good again and my BP was okay enough to let me go, but I was put on house arrest, no more work for the remainder of the pregnancy. I can go to church and Christmas funtions as long as I find a seat, prop my feet up and relax. That news was of course hard to take. I'm not totally confined to the house or the couch/bed, unless I have a day like today, but more on that in a minute. I had my weekley doc appointment yesterday, now with my BP looking as it has we will try to go as far out as we can this pregnancy, but right now he is thinking that he won't let me go past 37 weeks, possibly 36 weeks! Thats only 4-5 weeks away! Not the 7-8 we were hopng for! I could very well have my baby girl in my arms in a month, not cloze to 2. I go to the doc office tomorrow morning and Friday to get steroid injections to make her lungs develope quickly so that she can breath on her own when she comes early. This of course makes me super nervous even tho I know this is done all the time. Today I had planned to take the necessary paperwork to work and then get blood work done to check my sodium levels. Right before I was about to walk out the door I checked my BP and it was really high. I called my doc and left a message. I had just gotten off the phone with the doctor right before I checked my BP. I was told that they are thinking that I need to cut down on my meds that I take for the Diabetes Insipidus, that the meds are causing me to retain water, lower my sodium levels and possibly be causing high blood pressure. So no blood work till Monday so they can see how cutting back the meds is working. I had still planned to drive up to work, but once I saw the high BP I wasn't so sure. I got a call back pretty quickly and was told to lay down, drink water and take it easy and check my BP every couple hours and if it wasn't comimg down the  to call back. I had spent all morning on the phone between scheduling appoitments with my high risk OB and trying to coordinate those with the NST sessions, and going in tomorrow and Friday for the steroid injections on top of trying to bump up my next endo appointment to about when we think 4 weeks after baby arrivle will be as well as trying to get him in touch with my high risk OB about the Diabetes Isipidus. I'm guessing all of that may have stressed me out enough to cause the significant high BP. I really don't know what happened. All I know is that all this feels pretty overwhelming at times, and I'm praying and hoping that cutting my meds down cause significant enough changes in BP that baby girl can stay in the oven longer. We'll see how things go with the steroids as well. I've been warned by my doc that those will throw my blood sugars high for about  week or so. Just in time for Christmas. At least little girl is staying active and I'm feeling her movements.  I love that!  Stay tuned.....

I Can, I Will, Accomplish This

It amazes me how much pregnancy hormones come into play with blood sugars! I read other bloggers that write about their T1D and pregnancy experiences and even the one book that I found on T1D and pregnancy and as encouraging as their posts and the book were, at the same time I’ve read time and time again so many say that insulin resistance didn’t really seem to kick in and effect them. Or that that their A1Cs stayed 5.4 the entire pregnancy or that they ate whatever they wanted just bolused for it and had no issues. Or that they would cry when they saw any number above 150. I read how one woman ate a big bowl of ice cream every night with no issues. Good for her! I’m glad she was able to do it, but that blows my mind, and is a bit disheartening for me. Why? Because I feel like I’ve struggled so hard to keep a fantastic A1C, that it has not been a walk in the park and I don’t have occasional highs, but daily and it’s always a rollercoaster of BGs. No smooth sailing for me. I’ve discovered that I can eat light or fat free frozen yogurt and it won’t send my BGs through the roof like ice cream will, for the most part, but sometimes, it does. I feel like I may have 1 maybe 2 good days a week if I’m lucky where I don’t go above 150, but other than that, I still see a whole lot of 180’s, 190’s and 200’s several times a week, and even multiple times a day. I don’t believe this is because my CDE and I aren’t making aggressive enough changes or that it’s my fault or what I’m eating. It’s just plain old dumb diabetes and pregnancy and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise. This is just how my body works.  I’ve come to the point for the most part, not always, sometimes there are tears and fear of what is this doing to my baby girl, but I’m getting to the point of just waiting them out, praying and trouble shooting and sometimes, okay a lot of times doing some SERIOUS RAGE bolusing. Especially on the weekend if things go really wonky and I won’t be able to talk to my CDE until Monday about making corrections. With all of this being said, when I got all my blood work done this week for the scare that my doctor put me through, (you can read that here if you didn’t already) he also checked my A1C and I still had the best A1C I’ve ever had! 5.1%. Hallelujah!!!! Wowza! I actually did a double take and made him show me the paperwork cuz I really didn’t believe it. This really really hard work is paying off and as long as it continues once I see my little one face to face I will feel that she is the biggest accomplishment of my life! My CDE and I made even more changes to my pump yesterday, second time this week. There have been other weeks we’ve made changes 3 times. First was Monday and there were quite a few changes to be made in just the 3 days since talking to her. It blows my mind how quickly my insulin needs change on a daily basis even. I’m definitely going to be hitting 3x the amount of insulin I used before pregnancy, and I know at the rate things are going that I’ll exceed that.  Pre-pregnancy I was using 17 something units of insulin a day for my basal, amount going through me on a 24hr basis. Now??? I’m at 52.7units of basal, and then you have to add however much I’m taking at meals. By Monday my needs will have increased beyond the 52.7 units. I’m going through insulin reservoirs sometimes every other day depending on if it’s a couple of bad days or I’m eating more. Each reservoir holds 300 units of insulin and I’m getting to the point that on some days I’m going through 100+ units of insulin in a day! All the research and all the inquiring and all the reading really and truly cannot fully prepare one for going through pregnancy as a type 1 diabetic. I’m doing it, it’s doable, but it’s hard, but like I said, when I see my little beauty for the first time I’m going to feel like the most accomplished woman in the world!

When It's Not A Diabetes Scare

It’s still November, it’s still Diabetes awareness month and my plan for doing the daily instagram challenge failed miserably! Mainly because….I’ve been stressing the last week and worried. But I think all the prayers I asked for helped. This time, not diabetes related....

A week ago yesterday I had my 4 week appointment with my high risk OB and it wasn’t a good appointment. It started out normal, baby’s heart beat was good, I measured good, BGs good, talked to him about the water weight I believed I was developing that was causing my feet and calves to swell so that a few pair of shoes don’t fit already and a couple pair of boots I cannot zip up my calves. He wasn’t concerned with that…at first. When I first got there the nurse took my blood pressure and it was slightly elevated, more than what they would like. I told them about the stress of traffic on my way there and he said he would have my BP checked again to make sure it had come down and that it was only the traffic stress. (A sheet of drywall was on the highway I thought I was going to collide with then not even 10 minutes later a huge rock hit my windshield and cause me to actually scream out loud.)  We had started to talk about the NSTs that start in a few weeks and then my CDE came in and he asked for her to take my BP while we talked. She took it and interrupted with that my BP had not come down at all but stayed the same. It was still 149/something. That stopped the doctor in his tracks causing him to grab my file and ask if we had talked about exactly how much weight I’ve gained. I said no, but I wasn’t thrilled with the number I saw on the scale. When he looked and saw that I’ve gained 32lbs already he got serious. He examined me from head to toe, no I don’t look like I’m gaining a lot of fat, he could see it being water weight. I didn’t really look swollen, but with the higher BP and rapid weight gain he wanted to check these out. He told me to purchase a blood pressure cuff and start checking 3 times a day and write those numbers down. Then he had a jug sent home with me for me to do a 24 hour urine collection on Sunday that I had to take right to a lab first thing Monday morning to have tested along with getting blood work. This is pretty standard for all T1D pregos, I’d forgotten about that but wasn’t worried that he was having it done since it’s standard, but was worried that it would show an issue since he seemed to think I’m retaining so much water. He started talking about house arrest, how long I would actually continue to work and preeclampsia. I started to freak out. He had me schedule an appointment to come back and see him this morning so we could talk about the outcome of the tests and BP testing and talk about how much longer I would work. So for the past week I’ve taken my BP 3 times a day, Sunday did the urine collection and Monday bright and early took it to the lab for analyzing and got blood drawn. Today was the appointment to find out how things are looking and I swear, doctor’s like to freak their patience out to get reactions for entertainment purposes. It turns out that he never communicated to me that I should only worry about my BP if it reached 150 or over. Yes it said on the paper work in small print that if I reached 150 to call my doctor or go to the ER right away, so I thought that was worst case. Today he swore he told me that 150 or above was what he was looking for so my BP is perfectly fine, that the 130s and 140s that I seemed to hang out in was fine, he wasn’t worried about those. My urine and blood work came back perfect. No kidney issues and no signs of preeclampsia developing. When I asked about the weight gain he wasn’t worried about that either, although as you can imagine I’m not happy about it. I haven’t gained in the past week, good, and he said yes I’m probably swelling and retaining some water, but that’s normal and he even said I still look like all belly, I don’t look like I’m gaining too much. He wants to monitor that, but we went over my diet and what I typically eat and he doesn’t see that I’m over doing it. Which I am thankful for because even though I feel like my appetite has kicked into full gear and some days all I want to do is eat I do believe I do pretty well at restraining myself from eating everything possible. I was getting nervous that he was going to tell me to cut back or something. No, I’m not under eating either. He is also chalking it up to my DI which causes water retention and the T1 since I do have to take in unwanted calories (like in the middle of the night or after I’ve stuffed myself from a big meal and maybe over did it on the carb/insulin estimating) to correct low blood sugars. So no bed rest, or house arrest as he originally put it. He wants to start seeing me every two weeks already!!! How did this time fly by so quickly??? He did tell me that I can’t do anymore full days of running errands, house cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking and then going out to dinner with friends. That was how my Saturday was and I knew I was pushing it but it all really needed to be done and at the end of the evening when I got home my feet, ankles, calves and knees where all swollen. When I told him all that he said no more of that. Since the swelling went away after resting he wasn’t worried but to no longer push myself so much, that could eventually cause a problem. So lots of rest, do chores for a bit then rest/nap. Run errands, come home and rest. Cook/bake, then rest. He said as long as I let myself rest I can do things, but not so much at a time anymore. Doctor’s orders, guess I gotta follow them.

Wanting to Give In To Burn Out

I just started to think about how long I’ve been diligently trying for crazy amazing blood sugars and an A1C of the same. I know that we all as T1s’ want this but when trying for a baby it’s something we strive for even more, at least I have. It’s much easier to give in to burn out when you aren’t growing human or trying for one. As of right now it’s been 20 months that I’ve been trying diligently to count every carb and accurately does insulin without swaging, exercise, check my BGs between 10-20 times a day sometimes more depending on the day. By the time little girl shows up and since I plan on nursing, and that is a whole nother reason to stay on top of tight BGs, that will leave me at somewhere around 36 months give or take, or 3 years if you will, of crazy anal control. That’s a loooong time! I was getting really burn out at the 14 month mark, right before we got pregnant. I was starting to slack a bit, but of course once I found out about little one growing inside I was back to being all anal again. Maybe once she is born I’ll let up a bit just because I know she’s not in there anymore relying on me to keep safe and growing healthy in the womb……BUT….. as with everything else BGs seriously affect nursing. I need to do more reading and even ask my CDE and doc more questions because I’ve heard conflicting information, but one thing I do know is that if I run on the higher scale of BGs it can cause milk production to be lacking. We don’t need none of that. Conflicting info I’ve heard? Well, I’ve read that if nursing while BGS are high that the milk itself can be harmful to the baby, then I’ve read that is not true that it doesn’t matter. Either way, I’d rather keeps things at a minimum so there are no issues with milk production, but never nursing with a high BG seems pretty impossible. Altho…… nursing causes lows, which may help against nursing with a high BG? Anyway, with all of this being said.. this is a long time to be so “good” if you will. I don’t know how long I’ll last once she is born. I’m getting tired and if she wasn’t part of the picture right now I know I’d be slacking big time. There is so much pressure and many reasons to keep tight control and I’m getting tired, really tired. I know that it will all be worth it in the end when she is here. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been perfect by any means whatsoever. I’ve guessed at times on the carb count on a much too sugary sweet treat and indulged and paid for it, but I’ve also been on the other end of the spectrum and eaten a less carb/sugar loaded item, counted correctly and dosed correctly and still ended up in tears of frustration wondering what went wrong when I was so sure everything I’d done was right. It’s tough, but I was encouraged the other day when I saw on Facebook another T1D just had her baby boy and he is beautiful and healthy! It was the encouragement I needed to remind myself that I can do it, that Nora will be fine, healthy and beautiful and here before we know it! Now to just get the energy to get the house and her room in order, that’s a whole other story……

Diabetes Awareness Month/Speaking Too Soon

November is diabetes awareness month so I’m trying to follow along with Project Blue November and post pics every day this month of life with diabetes. Here is the link if you’d like to do so as well. http://www.projectbluenovember.com/#!instagram/c1d85 We’ll see how well I do with this. Here are my pics for November 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd.

November 1st: Kiss Diabetes Goodbye!

Someday I won't need my CGM!
#kissdiabetesgoodbye 
 #diabetesawarenessmonth
 #projectbluenovember

For some reason I can't get this to flip..

November 2nd: I Am More Than Diabetes
I am much more than diabetes. I’m a wife and a soon to be momma!
#iammorethandiabetes
#diabetesawarenessmonth
#projectbluenovember

Today November 3rd:
Support: My hubby is my biggest and best supporter
#support
#projectbluenovemer

Now onto other things. I spoke too soon, or wrote too soon the other day when I posted about how great things have been. Now I’m trying to figure out if my body is trying to come down with something again or what. Talking to Deb my CDE today, she thinks it's just T1D and pregnancy. Last few nights after dinner I’ve been running pretty high and can’t seem to get down until about 2-4am. Even a couple of afternoons I’ve been high after lunch but that’s been a little hit or miss. Mornings have been pretty good, but running a bit low mid morning. Seeing numbers in the 200’s a little too often right now, which is hard enough to see numbers like this when not pregnant. There is enough guilt without trying to grow a healthy human. When there is a little one inside of you it’s about 100 times worse. It’s really hard to concentrate on anything other than trouble shooting, trying to figure out what to do to get that number down, how much insulin is on board and can I give more without overcorrecting, should I set a temp basel rate for the next few hours, is this just pregnancy, is it a sickness coming on, what is it?!!! How is the baby doing with this???!!!! It doesn’t stop!!!! I’ve had my share of crying about it. I’ve done pretty well just trying to stay focused and keep calm and not get stressed about it and cry, but last night wasn’t one of those nights that I just couldn't keep it together. When this happens it’s one of the most lonely feelings in the world because no one I know can possibly understand our relate. And guilty. My mind also goes to, “Should we have done this?” “Was it selfish of me to want a baby?”, “Is she going to survive my stupid BG issues?”, “I know that the doc is happy with my A1C but is he even looking at the roller coaster that happens on a sometimes daily basis?”…… That list goes on and on and on. It's frustrating for me because I read all these other blogs and books about T1D and pregnancy and yeah, it's encouraging to read about how tight control others have and what great A1Cs they are able to accomplish while pregnant and I start to feel like they don't ever have the kinds of highs I go through. Then that just another load of guilt added on like I must not be doing something right or I'm not diligent enough. Last night despite Brad trying to encourage me I broke down. I couldn’t help it. I’d had my baby shower in the afternoon, it was great, but of course carb counting was just total and complete swagging (scientific wild a** guessing), along with the fact that I indulged in the chocolate torte that is to die for by the way that a friend made. She is known for them and it’s so hard to pass up. I caved. I surprisingly didn’t seem to go as high from that as I did later in the evening after eating my veggie and beef soup for dinner. Really???!!! That’s what sent me over the top?! Or was it the chocolate torte from earlier in the day finally kicking in? It’s impossible to tell, but none the less I cried after I spiked around 6:00 and was reaching in the low 200’s around 10:00. All the awful thoughts were assaulting me along with the guilt and fear. Something is going on and it’s gotta be the pregnancy since this has been happening the last 3 nights. Deb and I just made changed again today, I’m praying those take care of things and my BGs look a little better over the next day or so.

How Things Have Been...25 Weeks

Wow, I didn't realize that it had been so long since I've written.

I'm 25 weeks today!

Everything is going great! At least now that I've gotten over sickness, colds and infections that I dealt with for a while. It's amazing how great blood sugars can be when those don't come in to play. Not that I haven’t started struggling with insulin resistance because I have.

I think I talked a bit about my increasing insulin needs in a prior post or two. They have defiantly increased. As of the changes that my CDE and I made this week I am at 18 more basal units (insulin pumping through my pump into me on a 24/7 basis) of insulin a day than I was prior to pregnancy. This does not include the increased insulin to carb ratios for meals and snacks that we have made. We are at the point of making changes on a more regular basis. We are defiantly making changes every week and sometimes twice a week if not more. I was freaking out for a while thinking how quickly and hard it seemed that insulin resistance was hitting me, but unfortunately/fortunately not sure which, I got cold/sickness twice in a month’s time that screwed with things pretty hard core and made my BGs all wack! Now that I'm over all of that things are "better". Like I said, we did increase some basal rates this week, so my needs are increasing but since getting over sickness, numbers haven't been nearly as terrifying as they were. I'm learning that about 2-3 days prior to any kind of symptoms of sickness showing that my BGs will spike more often and have a much harder time coming down. It seemed that one of the last day of my cold was one of the worst too. I think I felt awful that day not just because of the cold but because my BGs hung in the mid 200's most of the day and I just felt like crap from that. Between those and the emotional toll it took that day and the worry over baby girl, that was a really tough day. After that, it was like a switch flipped and my cold symptoms lessened drastically and my BGs started to come back into line.

Since I last wrote, we came up with a name. Nora Joy. I'm happy to be calling her by her name now. I had my last ultrasound last week, it was a fetal echo. They took an intense look at her heart, but she really didn't want to cooperate at first. She had her arms and legs up over her head and her butt sticking up so the tech was having a really hard time getting a good look at Nora's heart. The tech had me try emptying my bladder, lay on my side for a while and neither worked. She tried for at least a good 30 minutes but Nora just wouldn't move, I guess she was just too comfy. Once the tech left and right before the doctor came in to take a look then Nora moved to a perfect position. My doctor was then able to get a great look at her heart and everything else and he says we have a beautifully healthy baby girl. Right now nothing to be concerned about whatsoever. She is right on track with her growth and everything.

Monday we started our 6 week classes on Labor & Delivery, Breastfeeding, Newborn Care. With the holidays coming we really wanted to get the classes completed before and not have to be going during all the hustle and bustle and rushing of Christmas and New Years. Our first class was so so. Hubby isn’t too crazy about the fact that I’m dragging him to the classes. I think that as the weeks go on we will glean more needed info. I think that the first week was just a lot of info that I’ve already read and relayed over to hubs. I think that the breastfeeding, and newborn care portions of the class will be what we really need.

Mid December is when I start the NSTs, the none stress tests on her heart. At 37 weeks I'll be going twice a week for these. From what I understand a band is put around my belly and her heartbeat will be monitored and she’ll be monitored for movement. These sessions could last from 30 minutes, to two hours, depending on if Nora cooperates or not. I'm sure I don't have all my facts straight so once I'm actually going through all of this I'll have more specifics and details. 

We have a lot of her nursery completed, just need to get organized as well as a decorating things completed. Once we have my showers then I'll really be able to get things together in her room. I have my first shower this weekend. Can’t believe the time for it is already here.

More diabetes related.... A few Saturdays ago I had a bad day with my Dexcom sensor. I went through 3 in a 12 hour period. I changed the first one out that morning, but when I did I must have hit a blood vessel because blood just pooled up under the sensor site. I still tried to keep it in and see if it would work, but after over 8 hours of just totally inaccurate readings I knew it just wasn't going to work. My Dexcom would say I was in the 60's and really I was in the 120's. I'd try to calibrate and then it would go from saying I was low to too high. I'd get readings in the 200's for example and I was only in the 130's. I knew in order to be on top of my BGs that I had to change my sensor. Having inaccurate readings like that would only cause me to freak out and waste test strips when I really had no need for any kind of correction. I finally changed it only to have the 2nd one in for 1 hour marinating in my skin when I accidentally ripped it out of my thigh when I went to the bathroom. Third time was the charm.  That one I didn't rip out and the readings were "better". I gave it time and it eventually got pretty close to being on track. It actually became more accurate when I got closer to day 10 but I had to replace it because my skin was getting irritated. This new one that I now have in I've placed in a new spot that I've never used before. I've used my love handles but had switched to my upper front thigh saving love handle space for my insulin infusion set sites. I've been pretty happy with my thigh area as a place for my sensors, but decided it was time to change it up. I placed it closer to my back, not really sure that it's considered my love handle, maybe a bit of a muffin top? ;P I don't know, anyway, readings have been pretty spot on from the get-go! That's been pretty fantastic! At first I wasn't sure how comfortable I was having it there, but now that I'm on day 9 of having it here I've gotten accustom to it being there. Since I can't lay on my back that's not what the issue was, it was just a little uncomfortable when I'm sitting at my desk and I lean back, or when trying to roll over in bed. I was a little nervous I'd rip it out in the middle of the night trying to get comfortable, but that hasn't happened yet.

A couple of weekends ago we did our last big trip away before baby, I don't know that I'd say we went on a baby-moon. We went to LA to visit Brad's best friend and his family. Since there was no just us time, I myself wouldn't call it a baby-moon. It was a bit stressful for me, but nice to get away for a long weekend. We left on Thursday and came back on Monday. I say that it was stressful for me because being off my normal routine and eating junk most of the weekend of course threw my BGs to the sky a lot. Of course I played it off to all of that when I should know by now that it's more likely insulin resistance in my pregnancy. I finally changed some basal rates on my own Sunday morning after another night of highs that wouldn't come down. That seemed to help a lot and I wish I would have done it sooner. Since then and the changes that my CDE made when we got back things got much better. My other stress was of course airport security. Leaving wasn’t so much of an issue. I kept my pump on and went through the metal detector with no problem. Coming back…. LAX would only let mother’s with children go through the metal detectors and everyone else had to go through the full body scanners or opt for a pat down. I told them my situation hoping that they would make an exception for an obviously pregnant diabetic and they wouldn’t. So I had to wait for a pat down. That’s never fun.

I’ve been able to get back to my evening walks which have been really nice since the weather has changed and gotten really really pretty. It’s helping a bit with my BGs and I know it’s doing both of us good in more ways than just for my BGs. I'm hoping that  this gets me on a schedule so that once it's too cool for my walks I'll be in the habit of some sort of activity and I'll jump on my exercise bike. I know that Nora needs me to do this in order to help with keeping my BGs in a safer range.

Friday’s Five: Pros of Pregnancy & Diabetes

Okay, sometimes while being prego and having T1D it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and maybe it was a really really really bad idea….. But not always, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and as I’ve said before and if you really do your research and talk to doctors, nurses and CDEs that actually are truly familiar with and know their stuff regarding T1 and pregnancy they will also tell that with tight control a very healthy happy pregnancy and baby are to be had!

 

So here are my top 5 pros of being pregnant while dealing with  diabetes…

 

1.       Easier places to hide an insulin pump. With a growing belly I have an easier time hiding my pump in that space between belly and hip. Even with tight shirts my pump is harder to see. One of my big apprehensions for getting a pump was that I like to wear dresses and it’s hard to find a place to hide a pump while wearing a dress. This has for the most part flown out the window. With my growing body I’ve got a bigger “pocket” or hiding place in my chest to place my pump. Now no third weird looking bump when trying to wear a dress. No one even knows!

 2.       More baby pictures!!! Having a high risk pregnancy means many more ultrasounds than that of the average mamma to be. I think I’ve heard that the average is 2-3 during the entire 9 months. I’m 20 weeks and I’ve already had 3, that’s one every 6 weeks. Now we are down to every 4 weeks!

3.       More doctor appointments. I’m sure that this will eventually get old, but I actually look forward to each doctor appointment and the close monitoring. I know that very close attention is being paid to me and baby. It’s kinda nice having all the attention focus on me for once.

 

4.       Healthy eating. My eating habits were not the best before my T1 diagnosis. My normal on the go meal instead of a quick salad as I might choose now was an entire Totino’s Pizza or pizza rolls. Other regular food choices included frozen burritos, fast food or a bowl of cereal. Or a box of macaroni and cheese and maybe adding a can of tuna with of course more cheese. Breakfast if I even ate it, Pop Tarts or some other sweat substance with not much real nutritional value.  Veggies, didn’t even consider them. I don’t know what my eating habits would have been like had I gotten pregnant without diabetes. Not that I wouldn’t care about taking care of my baby but the diagnosis was a huge eye opener. I can imagine that I would have really truly taken the term “eating for two” for real and kept with the fast food, and other junk food never really thinking about it. Of course fast food I’ve craved more being pregnant and I have given into those indulgences even more than I think I should or than I normally would, but I do still make veggies and healthy choices a priority. Even the cookies I made last weekend were healthier. Packed with raw sugar, but less than what was called for, organic oatmeal, ground flaxseed, almonds, raisins, cranberries and the indulgent part… semi sweet chocolate chips.

 

5.       Eating in moderation. Okay, so this kind of goes along with eating healthy. Since I have to watch my BGs so closely I can’t just eat what I want when I want, not even an apple or banana. Yes, I’m making sure to eat plenty for little girl as well as myself, but over eating after I’ve eaten what I’ve given enough insulin for is not really an option. At least not for me.  I’ve found for me it’s best to try not to let my eyes get bigger than my belly because I still can tend to get full quickly. So I portion out my meals and snacks and eat what I bolus insulin for. If I decide I want more, then I need to bolus more insulin and wait 15-20 minutes for that to kick in. By the time that happens my food has most likely settled and I’d no longer want what I thought I did. Therefore, this should keep from excessive weight gain.  I know that every person, every body type is different so I know that what works for me to control weight gain like this won’t necessarily work for someone else.

Following Doc’s Orders: Eat Frozen Yogurt

Yesterday I mentioned in my last post that I was considering going low carb to maybe help with the insulin resistance in pregnancy. That afternoon I ate lunch a little later than usual but my BGs spiked before even eating lunch and I waited about 40 minutes after taking my insulin before eating. Even still with the waiting and accurate amount of insulin I still spiked up to 208 about 2 hours after lunch. Frustrating. I emailed my CDE asking for her advice on going low carb and she called me not long after to talk to me and answer any questions and try to ease my fears. Since I haven’t mentioned it lately, I still think she’s great! I have such a great support system with both her and my high risk OB. They are pretty fantastic. Anyway, so this is what I learned and she said about low carbing it. Being prego going low carb is a big NO NO! She said that it’s not healthy for me or the baby. There are nutrients in the carbohydrate foods that both of us need. Those are things that I pretty much figured but I had read that some T1D pregos have done the low carb thing to help minimize the highs. I don’t care how much insulin I need to take, I’ll take whatever is needed to work, I’m not trying to avoid taking insulin, I’m trying to avoid the highs. What I did learn from Deb is that apparently the minimum requirement for pregnant women on a daily basis is 160 grams of carbs. Now, if you are not diabetic and have never paid attention to carb counts I’m sure that sounds like a lot, but really it’s not at all. If you are a regular soda drinker one can of soda typically has about 35-45 grams of carbs. An everything bagel from Trader Joe’s has a total of 60 grams of carbohydrate, 1 individual serving size bag of Cheeze-its has 25 grams of carbohydrate. A peanut butter protein Kind Bar has 17 grams, and a Burger King Whopper Jr and small fry has 76 grams of carbohydrate total. I know that these are random food items, but see, I’m hoping that those items help you to see how easy it is to eat way more than 160 grams of carbs in a day. Deb told me that if I do want to stay on the low end of the carb spectrum that she would like for me to ration out my carbs this way:

Breakfast (because it can be the worst meal of the day to send BGs sky high): 30 grams

Morning snack: 15 grams

Lunch: 45 grams

Afternoon snack: 15 grams

Dinner: 45 grams

Evening snack: 30

I have been having about 30 grams of carbs as an evening snack in a mug of frozen yogurt. I’ve found that either the brand Skinny Cow ice cream or frozen yogurt do not mess with my BGs the way regular ice cream or frozen custard does. It’s a total miracle! I hadn’t admitted to Deb that I was already eating that just about every night, but after she told me the breakdown of the least amount she would like for me to eat as I listed above she went on to say to enjoy food. Stop stressing, that this is going to happen, my insulin needs will continue to increase and we will get it worked out. She said to eat fun things. She is the one that actually brought up and encouraged me to eat Skinny Cow bars! That’s when I admitted to my indulgence and she said I should try plane vanilla frozen yogurt with pumpkin pie spice. I did and it’s to die for. She also said that if I want something close to apple pie to chop up an apple, microwave it until soft and add pumpkin pie spice to that as well. I will be trying this one FYI! 

 Altho I have her tips and “ permission” and her encouragement does make me feel a bit better. I did end up spiking after the frozen yogurt last night and wouldn't come down to under 140 till almost 4 this morning.  I’ll be sending her my numbers later today for more adjustments because I’m really not happy with how yesterday and the night before looked. You know the t-shirts that say “Stay Calm…” with whatever after it? I need one that says “Stay Calm and dose insulin and enjoy your food”. Here’s to insulin resistance and pregnancy! I’ll do my best as always, and keep eating to keep little girl fed.

***As usual, these are just my opinions, thoughts and what my doctor/CDE has told me. I am not a medical professional in any way shape or form. If your doctor, nurse or CDE says something different, please follow their advice or ask them questions regarding anything that I have written. Please do not take any of what I say as medical advice.***

It's A!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’re having a…………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

No names yet that we can agree upon so right now I’m calling her my little joy most of the time, if not that then just baby girl.

 

I know that it’s been a while since I’ve written. Not a whole lot new to tell. I’ve been blessed that I still haven’t have a lot of the normal pregnancy issues. My biggest issue for the last week has been really bad back pain already. I’m carrying her all in the front, belly and boobs and I guess it’s messing with my back already. Between my back hurting and not being able to get comfy in bed, peeing at least 3 times a night and my Dexcom waking me up to alert me to highs and lows I’m not getting the amount of sleep that I should. Which I know is messing with my BGs. But so far I’m thankful I haven’t been as sleepy as I’d have thought. With my back hurting the way it is, and then when I had the cold just a bit before that I’m not getting to go on my walks or work out or do yoga the way I had hoped to continue during pregnancy. We’ve also been incredibly busy around the house between getting Brad’s office moved to the basement and turning that into her nursery and then at the same time renovating the bathroom. Although I haven’t really been able to help with any of that, between going to look at and pick up items for the bathroom in the evenings and trying to stay on top of house work I’m having a hard time trying to find time to attempt yoga or anything anyway. I think it would help my back a lot and my BGs…. Which leads to the next subject.   I’m already starting to head into the insulin resistance part of my pregnancy. That’s been a whole lot of fun. I’ll be 20 weeks tomorrow, so half way there if not more already! Depending on if she comes early or not. It’s flying by! Between an infection and a cold I had a few weeks back at first I wasn’t sure if I was already developing insulin resistance until my doctor discovered the infection via blood/urine test and then the following week I developed a cold.  After that I seemed to be in the clear for a little bit longer, but about week 17 or so I started noticing higher numbers and my need for more insulin. At times I think it’s not freaking me out the way I thought it would but then there are times like last night as I was laying in bed trying to read and seeing my numbers climb despite the basal rate changes that my CDE made to my evening rates yesterday I tear up and start praying my heart out that these crazy BGs don’t affect baby girl. I try to remember that it’s not the short term high but the long term that will hurt her, but it’s still not pleasant to be going through. With last night and even today’s numbers not being what I want to see I’ll probably be sending my numbers into my CDE again Thursday if not tomorrow. I don’t think that waiting until next Monday will be a good idea. I’m contemplating switching to a low carb diet if I’m going to have real issues with getting things under control. Up until now I’ve been doing really well and had a fantastic A1C. Last month it was 5.6 which was a record for me. Last week when I got blood work done it came back as 5.1!!! That’s amazing and that what I’m trying to hold onto and pray I can continue through the rest of my pregnancy.

While Keeping THE Secret-Week 10

As of yesterday I'm 18 weeks! Wow how time is flying by. Next Thursday we find out if Baby is a boy or a girl! So excited for that. I can't believe the we are only 2 weeks away from the half way point! For all we know we could have already hit the half way point if I have to go early, but Lord willing I will be able to go up to the full 40 weeks and let little one come naturally with no induction.


Here is what was going on at 10 weeks....

July 16, Week 10:

Wow! Today is officially the first day of week 10 and boy do I feel like a COW! So far I have not had a constant desire to devour everything in front of me. So far I’ve felt way too bloated and get really full really quickly that I can’t eat much in one sitting. This is something to get accustom to because I have unfortunately forgotten at times that I can only eat so much, pre-bolus before eating and then I get full really fast with more insulin on board than the food that I thought I would be able to eat. Then of course I drop and I have to chug juice or something. This is the first day that I have really been eating what feels like eating for 2 may feel like, but it’s not because I’m really hungry. Yes, I have been hungrier today than I feel like I have in 10 weeks, but my BGs keep going down. I know that the typical type 1 will start getting crazy excessive lows between weeks 8-9, and I guess I’ve had more than before but I kinda think that’s because I’m so afraid of highs right now and I know that I’m over calculating carbs and insulin, which I know is also not a good thing at all. So today, I’ve grazed, and grazed and grazed. I know I’ve read that for the typical woman it’s best to eat 6 small meals a day or to eat every 2 hours to help with this bloating/full issue. This is where the issue with T1D comes in. To make sure that not too much or too little insulin is on board and to make sure that BGs stay steady and not roller coaster or run high it’s best for someone like me to eat every 3 to 4 hours, not every two. Today, that’s not really been possible. I’ve been snacking every 2 hours at least, if not every hour. I don’t want to put anything else in me, but as I watched my Dexcom screen earlier my BG was slowly creeping down again. I ate a handful of potato chips and that seems to have finally kicked in because I’m now going up a bit. I know, my last choice of snack not the best but I really am trying to stay as healthy and nutritious as possible with my snack/meal/and low treatment choices as I possibly can. This has been hard because veggies are gross to me right now, really really gross. I can eat something one day and the next I almost lose my stomach if I don’t get away from the smell/sight of it fast enough. Thankfully, this is the extent of sickness for me. I really am not having too bad of an issue with sickness, it’s just veggies/salads that I’m really struggling with. I hate that, because I so want to eat healthy and get the best nutrients that I can and being disgusted by veggies just stinks. (Literally) So today since I’ve been grazing I think I’ve done pretty well staying away from the bad unhealthy things that I could be devouring. I had my normal breakfast of oatmeal with almond milk, about a 4^th cup of blueberries, a table spoon of peanut butter and an orange on the side. A couple hours later it was raisins and almonds, a little after that yogurt. Not long after that was lunch of a peanut butter and honey(from a local bee keeper) on whole grain bread. Then of course I couldn’t go more than an hour after that then I had a cheese stick and some more almonds and some cashews.  Then I had the potato chips and another cheese stick. I was really hoping to go without eating something until dinner time which is usually between 6:30 and 7, but now I’m eating a Aldi Kind bar knock off. I was starting to get a tad bit queasy and now my BG is creeping back to lower 80’s again. Plus I want to get a work out in still before dinner. So back to this bloating issue…. I know I shouldn’t be showing yet, but dang this bloating is crazy! At week 8 I had two random people actually say something about when I was due. Really?! I know I had a bit of a tummy pooch before but this is just a bit of a bummer. A friend of mine who is 11 weeks ahead of me is not even showing yet, I look more preggers than she does! I think that my biggest concern along with weight gain is that if this isn’t giving the secret away then as much as I’ve eaten today may. We just told Brad’s family this past weekend. This Saturday we are telling a couple of really good friends of ours, Sunday we are telling my family and then after that we’ll start making more phone calls. There are a couple of other people I have to tell before I even tell work because I’m afraid once I tell work it will end up on social media or…. through the grape vine, my bestie growing up who still talks to the owner of the company I work for will find out that way. This is way more complicated than I imagined and we gotta start telling soon. I have my second doctor appointment tomorrow, which is actually my first prenatal appointment since the first was just the ultrasound. Which by the way, that was one of the most amazing things ever! It was such a relief to see that everything was okay. I know I don’t usually look forward to doctor’s appointments, and I’m sure I will start to get sick of them, but for right now I’m looking forward to and excited for each of the upcoming ones that I already have scheduled. I know that they will put my mind at ease. I’m really not complaining about any of this, just telling how it is for me so far as a T1D who is growing a human in her belly. Yay! This is so exciting! I think now that we have at least told Brad’s family it’s becoming more real. I’m so overwhelmed at times over the past week with happiness that I cry happy tears of joy. That’s mainly when I’m in the car and I’m listening to Jonathan David and Melissa Helser’s newest album. Some of their stuff just gets me, and I end up crying thank yous to Jesus. I’m so amazed!

What Does The Body Of A Diabetic Look Like?

What does the body of a diabetic look like?

 We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ethnic origin, religious and social backgrounds. We are all unique, but all share some common tell tale signs. You would never know just by looking at us on a daily basis. You may not even know on a regular basis if you don’t see a diabetic managing their chronic illness. Some of us have learned an art of hiding it from you and have no desire to share this information with anyone other than close family or who they deem to be important or need to know. Others of us would like to make the world aware of our disease and educate everyone we can. You might get a glimpse of what you  might assume to be a cell phone, pager or camera but what is really an insulin pump. You would never give it a second thought, unless you where one of us, because seeing someone like us out in real life is so far and few between.  

 So what does the body of a diabetic look like?

 If you look closely you will see multitudes of very small dots on finger tips and calluses from finger sticks.

  You will see tiny dots on a stomach, sides, shoulders, legs, hips, thighs or arms. Dots from the needles of insulin injections, insulin pump infusions sites or CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) sites.
  You very well may see skin irritation from these sites and or the skin tape/tac that is used sometimes to keep these things in place.
  In the summer you might see a circular like tan line from a sensor and or infusion site/tape.
  Sometimes you might see a bruised vein in the arm from getting blood work done and a nurse didn’t know what they were doing or couldn’t find a vein at first.
  You might see one of us looking like we are having a hot flash or a dazed and confused look on our face due to a sever blood sugar low reaction.
  You might see a bruise or a scrape on a body part that was a wound from a clumsy mistake that was made during a blood sugar low.
  Occasionally you may see a bruise from an insulin injection, insulin pump infusion site or CGM site that developed after a blood vessel was hit during the process of trying to stick the need in the correct spot.

I started thinking about these things this afternoon after I for some reason decided to count the little dots on my love handles and stomach. Since I use my sides more often than my stomach I only had 6 dots on my stomach and 10 dots on my left side and 16 on my right. Most are pretty faded, but they are still there. I also have a couple of tan marks from my infusion sites from the last weekend when we were at the lake and I’m sure to have a tan mark on my thigh when I remove my sensor that I’ve had on for quite some time.  

 

Are there other physical signs not listed that you get or have?

While Keeping THE Secret-Day Before The Big Day: Week 7

I'm 16 weeks today!!! Baby is now the size of an avocado!!!

But here is what was going on at 7 weeks...Be warned, I'm pretty blunt and honest about my fears and worries in this one and some may find it offensive...

7 Weeks and 6 days: Monday June 30

Tomorrow is the BIG day! It’s the day that I’ve been waiting for since we found out. I’m so excited, yet nervous and apprehensive. I just want to know that everything is okay. I know that is how I will be each and every time we have an appointment, but it will put my mind at ease just a bit for a afterwards if, God willing everything checks out okay with every ultrasound, every test.

 I was thinking about it today, how all mamas to be worry, but how much more I have to be concerned over. I was talking to someone the other day who had had a miscarriage and they said that it had never even occurred to them that would even be a possibility for them. Unfortunately that has been one of many fears that I have. I'm not sure how many nightmares I've had about it. As awful as this sounds, part of me would rather that happen than have something be seriously wrong. I know that no one wishes for any kind of issues with their baby, but I feel like I’m praying hourly for our little jalapeno. (That a huge craving, spicy and jalapenos. So I'm nick naming little one jalapeno) It’s been tough for me too because for some reason I’m having real issues with getting my BGs in line. This early on I didn't expect to have an issue. I’m trying so hard and yet…. For example it’s been that I bolus for a meal, my BGs drop before I’m even finished with my meal, they finally get to a safer range maybe an hour or more after I've finished my meal only sometimes after downing a juice. I then wait for a safe BG to show up, once I see a number that I’m more comfortable with I then bolus for the juice or whatever sugary substance I put into my system. Then maybe 2-4 hours after I've eaten, my BGs climb, and climb and climb. Most of the time I still have too much insulin on board to do a correction so it’s either I jump on my stationary bike or do a work out of some sort. That will usually help, but then it still takes some time and eventually correction boluses and then it’s never a smooth landing. It’s usually a crash and the process starts all over again. I’m getting fed up and it’s scary. I worry about what is going on inside of me. I talked to my CDE about this last week. She gave me some assurance and I’m hoping after tomorrow’s ultrasound and seeing the doctor and the tune ups that my CDE added to my pump today, that I’ll feel better about things. When I talked to my CDE last week she said that this early some women do have insulin resistance, not all, but some women do have it before the season of lows start to kick in and hang out between 8-20 weeks. She said that at this point with progesterone production getting kicked into high gear that can be the cause of insulin resistance. I’m thinking that on top of that the reason that I’m bottoming out so soon after taking my meal time insulin is possibly something I read recently. I read that it takes the body longer to metabolize food when pregnant due to how the body is pulling nutrients from the food for the baby. That has me wondering if that is why it's taking longer for my BGs to go high after meals instead of right away and my insulin that I took for the meal is already waning from my system. I've never heard of any of this in any of the books or anything that I've read on Type 1 and pregnancy so I really don't know. I had never hear or read what my CDE told me either so I find that quite odd. I'm definitely bringing all this up at my appointment tomorrow. I'm sitting here, trying not to freak out about how I'm seeing my BGs climb right now and wondering what to do. Am I too high to go work out? This number is ugly and making me mad. I'm trying to trust in the Lord and realize He is in control of this growing little one anyway and He knows what He is doing. I know that this is just the beginning of a new and difficult journey, a journey that I have prayed for so I'm just try to be thankful. Thankful that I haven't had much in the way of morning sickness at all, that my energy has been higher that I would ever expect and that I'm mainly just dealing with cramping, sore chest, craving for spicy food and a few food aversions. Which is also not the best thing, I'm craving all unhealthy awful for me food, like fast food and I gag at my healthy favorites. Cooked greens of any kind, asparagus, brusssle sprouts, spinach, green beans, they all gag me. Avocado is a wild card and I LOVE avocado! Onions are a huge no no and eggs for breakfast, can't even think about that. 

I really want tomorrow morning to hurry up and get here! In the meantime I guess I'll go work out and try and get this ugly high down.  


**My spicy and jalapeno craving have now subsided so each week baby is pretty much referred to as whatever fruit it's the size of for the week. Also, seeing the ultrasound the next day for the first time was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Baby was just as it should be, looked to be the right size for the estimated due date and the heart rate was beautiful!***

Infections, Blood Sugars and Pregnancy

How Infections Affect Blood Sugars/Pregnancy

 Over the last several weeks I’ve been struggling with some wonkey blood sugars, they’ve been high overnight and going high an hour to two hours after meals and not coming down in a timely or nice fashion. At least not as I’d like being pregnant and all.  I’m 16 weeks into my pregnancy tomorrow and I was sure that I shouldn’t be hitting insulin resistance quite yet, that I should have maybe somewhere around another month or so before that kicks in but with the way my body seems to just not follow text book standards I was starting to think that’s the direction I was heading.

 Then last week on Monday I had my every 4 week prenatal appointment with my perinatalogist and I asked him how often a pregnant woman really should be peeing. He said with me being diabetic, having DI and being pregnant that I would be going a lot. I told him that I really didn’t feel that my BGs should be affecting how often I go, which even though I’ve struggled with being higher than I’d like for longer than I’d like at times I only had a few times that I’ve been high enough to make me go so much. There have been a few times that I’ve reach above 200 and stayed there for a while and I think there was a time I reached into the 300’s. That was rough and really scary. I told the doc that some days it seems like I’m going every 30 maybe even 15 minutes! I had no symptoms of a bladder infection but he said he would have a urine culture done anyway. He also discovered after I asked about when a couple of blood tests would be done, that I hadn’t gotten prenatal blood work done and it should have been done at my first appointment. Lovely……….

 Friday we were on the road to KC to see family for the weekend and I got a call from one of the nurses. I have to say that I’m thankful that I’m a reader and a researcher and that I asked about the blood tests getting done when I did. I didn’t know my blood type before but I do now! First thing that the nurse brought to my attention and went over with me that we need to monitor is that I am RH negative, Brad is not sure his blood type but we know that both of his parents are positive so at 28 weeks I’ll need to have a shot to make sure that it doesn’t affect anything, which it shouldn’t since it’s my first pregnancy, but to be on the safe side, it’s standard and because it's pretty likely then that baby could be a positive blood type.

 Next… why have I been having issues with my BGs and peeing more??? No bladder infection but they did go ahead and check for Group Beta Strep which is usually checked for latter in the pregnancy but guess what?! Not only am I carrier I actually have an infection! Because there are no symptoms other than urinating more, at least that’s what the nurse said can happen even though when I’ve read about it it says that it can cause bladder infections which they didn’t find, not necessarily that it would make me go more… Anyway, I’m now on an antibiotic to kick it. I talked to my CDE yesterday after I sent in my BG log and she said that after 3 days of the antibiotics we should see a change in my BGs. She did go ahead and have me make a few changes to my basal rates and insulin to carb ratios, but she wants me to touch base before the long weekend because she was really hesitant that with the meds kicking in I’ll be back to having lows more often. Since I started on the antibiotic Friday night yesterday would have made it 3 days. Like she said, I’m seeing a difference already! I had a bad night on Saturday where I was awake if not every 30 minutes then it was about every 60 to give a correction of insulin on top of the 45% basal increase I had set on my pump and I still couldn’t get below 150 for over 6 hours. Pre-pregnancy, I wouldn’t have cared, I probably would have gotten even higher actually because I would have set the high snooze alarm on my Dexcom for more than 30 minutes and wouldn’t have been giving crazy amounts of insulin. Being pregnant, I don’t want to even go there! Last night I woke up to my low alarm twice and I was in fact low and had to get up and drink juice. This morning when I woke up things started out a bit rough being low again and instead of eating breakfast I drank juice again. I think after that the other glasses of juice from a couple of hours earlier kicked in because then I started to go high. I waited to eat and ate almost right before walking out the door for work and then all morning I’ve needed to snack to keep my BGs up. Again, I’m so thankful for modern medicine and the advantages that we have today. Looks like I may be back to avoiding so many highs! Just praying that the ones I have had haven’t already made an impact on this little person. People are getting summer colds and funk around work so I'm trying to keep a good intake of vitamin C in my system each day. After these last couple of weeks fighting an infection I didn't even know I had the last thing I need is to get sick on top of it! I'm not just being paranoid or a germaphobe, but as it is prego ladies already have a compromise immune system, diabetics even more so. Then add getting sick to top all of that off that will increase BGs which are scary for a growing baby in the mama's tummy. I know that this cold and flu season my co-workers and friends who just don't get it will think I'm an even bigger germaphobe, and I hope they are more sensitive and realize how important it is for me not to get sick!  Anxiety up until every ultrasound/doctor appointment is killer sometimes. Let's see this baby is doing well and avoiding this mommy's blood sugar issues.

While Keeping THE Secret-What Was Really Going On: Week 5

This secret has been sooo hard to keep!
It was so hard for a year and 3 months to hear and see everyone else getting pregnant. Facebook was becoming torture and even going to church or any social event was getting to the point that all I wanted was to be a hermit and stop hearing seeing that everyone was getting pregnant but me! It was like all anyone else had to do was have sex and boom! There's a baby whether they wanted that baby or not! We on the other hand if you either know me personally and I have opened up to you or you have been following my blog know that getting pregnant was not so easy for us. So for then 2 months it was hard being on Facebook and going anyplace and not blabbing our news. It didn't help that in a 2 week time I had social events scheduled with different sets of girlfriends that I don't get to see very often and I had to keep my lips sealed. Also in that two week time I saw my sister who I rarely see and I still had to keep the secret. Which was not the easiest because when I saw my sister I was not feeling the best.

Since there has been so much on my mind and so much that I’ve wanted to write about I decided to still write when I had the inkling so that all my thoughts were typed out in real time and I didn’t miss anything. The rest of this post and several to follow will be some of those posts so you get to see what was going on in our lives and in my head as it was happening as a pregnant Type 1.

 
5 Weeks and 6 days: Tuesday June 17

There have been a ton of feelings since we found out. Right now, as I write this, it still hasn't quite hit me, it does yet it doesn't quite feel like a reality. We have exactly 2 weeks before our Big appointment when we get to see the first pictures of our little jalapeno and then maybe, just maybe things will feel more real.

 Before I even took the tests, I knew. In my gut. It was different this time. I think that the diabetes and other health issues have made me so self aware and so in tune with my body that I just knew something was different. I didn't have any of the standard signs that you hear everyone talk about, no morning sickness, no cravings, no overly emotional. No, I had symptoms that of course I played off at first to being side effects of the hell pills I was on to get me to this point. I had cramps about a week before I should have started, which is when I had been starting to get them over the last couple of months prior, but they felt different this time. My chest was very sore and tender, but that also felt different. I know that “they”, whoever “they” are, say that symptoms aren't felt until 5, maybe 6 weeks but the more I read others blogs the more I saw that’s not always the case. I finally found in "What To Expect When You're Expecting" that said that frequent urination can start as soon as 2 weeks! Well that explains a lot. With my DI I was thinking that was being affected and that maybe my meds needed to be increased, but when I called my doctor's office and asked the nurse said no. No need to increase anything yet, that the DI shouldn't be affecting anything quite yet.

 My reaction to the plus sign on the test stick wasn't what I expected, maybe because I couldn't believe it, maybe because I was too scared. I had checked 2 days earlier than maybe I should have. I knew I wouldn't really believe it until I had real confirmation. I did take a third test 2 days latter and then called my doctor who then had me get the blood work done to confirm. When the nurse called me back she said that I was very pregnant! I don't even know what that means! Anyway when I had thought about the day that I would first see a positive sign I thought I would cry hysterically from sheer joy and then jump up and down and scream in giddy excitement but I did neither. I was too stunned I think. After all this time, after 1 year and 3 moths I had started to lose faith, started to think maybe it wasn't supposed to happen for us. I know that isn't a long time compared to some, but I think with all the preparing myself due to “D” and getting myself ready and then thinking that we had been trying for a year to then find out that we needed help that in turn made it feel like we were back at square 1 and that the last year was not really trying at all………….. I think I was dumbfounded. I remember crying in the shower later that day, it was a happy cry. I had to get ready to go to a wedding and wasn't sure I was going to be emotionally put together. I don’t cry at weddings, I never have, but I sure as heck did tear up and thought I could lose it a couple of times during the ceremony. I think just because I was still feeling very overwhelmed. That’s weird to think it was only a little over a week ago, I feel like that was forever, I feel like I've known forever. But, I haven’t.

 This secret is hard to keep. I want to shout it from the mountain tops! “Look what the Lord has done! Look! It happened! Look all my hard work paid off of getting myself ready!!!” When I really let myself go there, and think about it that way I start to tear up and a few times I have cried a little. It’s exciting and happy. I thought I would be a lot more scared of my BGs and what they are doing to things on the inside, but I've felt at peace. I know I've prayed for that, but I never expected to be this peaceful and calm about it. Maybe because my BGs have been absolutely incredibly amazing! That’ s a nice thing, that beautiful BGs happen in the very beginning. I haven’t hit the low all the time faze yet. I know that’s coming in the next few weeks.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have had some highs, but thankfully they haven’t lasted long and any that did seem a bit stubborn to come down have happened at home and I’m able to go jump on my stationary bike and ride the sucker down. That did bite me in the butt the other night. I had crept up to 177, had been above 150 for over a couple of hours and I decided to go ride the bike for a few to get things down to a better level. I had insulin on board, but since it hadn’t seemed to be kicking in the way I wanted I decided to try the bike. It worked, but since my CGM has been a fritz case lately and not on target like I would like, it kept telling me all night long that I was in the 60s/50s and I wasn’t. There was one time that I was 60 something but the rest of the time when I did a finger stick I was in the 80’s and 90’s. Ugh! At least I got myself down. July 1st at 9am cannot come fast enough! I want to see the ultrasound pictures of our baby and hear the heartbeat! Come on July first and just get here!

 

6 Years of Living Life to the Fullest!

I completely forgot this morning until after I ate half of a chocolate long john donut that today marks 6 years of living with type 1 diabetes. Or at least since my diagnosis since I believe I started developing the disease at least a year before my diagnosis. Anyway, I felt a very strong pull to eat a half of a long john, they were sitting on the kitchen table at work calling my name. I usually ignore them, I usually pass by and act as if I don’t hear them calling out to me but this morning there was no denying that they were calling to me. So I gave in. After I ate it and when I realized that today is my 6 year diaversary I didn’t feel quite so bad, kind of a celebratory way to say in your face diabetes! My Dexcom was giving me a far off after breakfast reading of 145 BG because when I checked I was only 106 so I felt okay to eat the donut despite the fact that I have been struggling a bit with keeping my BGs from rollercoastering and I’ve been higher than I’d like. Which I thought I would have another month or so before insulin resistance started to kick in due to the growing little one inside my belly along with my growing body in general, but I can only say that maybe the crazy BGs are happening because I’m on the tail end of the valley of lows that happen between the 1^st trimester and beginning to mid second trimester? I don’t know.

Anyway, I can’t believe that it’s been 6 years! It seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time I feel like I’ve been living with this disease for much, much longer. As I was lying awake in bed at 3am the other night I was thinking about this disease, pregnancy, life in general and the last 6 years. When I was diagnosed just like anyone else who is told the news, I felt like my life was over. I felt like things would never be the same and I wouldn’t be able to live life to the fullest. I changed my life plans that I had had at the time to leave and move to another state for training in hopes to work and live in a 3rd world country in an orphanage, so that I could stay and take care of my health. I was confused, I was angry, I was scared and lonely. Loneliness was and can still be one of the worst things in living with diabetes. I was right in the fact that my life would change drastically, but it wasn’t over. I was getting hit at the time with all kinds of ugly things that life can throw at a person, not just the diabetes so there was a lot to take in and deal with. But I made it. Diabetes is of course still a struggle at times and always will be unless there is a cure or until the bionic pancreas comes along and helps to make life with T1D easier, but life is not over. When I look back on the past 6 years and beyond I almost feel like I just started living 6 years ago. All of the rough times have made me who I am, and I think I’m a pretty tough cookie and I like who I am.  Not only does today mark 6 years of living with type 1, it also marks 15 weeks of pregnancy and was the first day we went to take a look at and check out the first child care facility that is on our list of options for after I go back to work after maternity leave. These 6 years have been bittersweet and have had lots of learning and growing opportunities regarding diabetes and just life in general. Taking it one day at a time, especially while dealing with diabetes and pregnancy, but trying to not let T1 dictate and rule my life. Of course there are days I can’t do things like work out because of BG lows that I just can’t shake or days I just cry and freak out because of sticky highs that I can’t get down and I’m trouble shooting in my mind and trying to figure out where I went wrong to end up with that sticky high. These things are bound to happen, but that’s just part of my life now. All in all, I’m glad that my 6 year date was today. That I get to celebrate that fact that I’m alive and living to the fullest with diabetes as well as celebrate this new little life growing inside of me. Here is to the next 5 ½  months of pregnancy with Diabetes and to the rest of however many years I am blessed with to live regardless of Diabetes. If I can do it! Happy 6 years of living to me!!!

Expected To Pop!

It truly has been a crazy busy summer,  this isn't the reason why I haven't been writing but I guess you could say that this is one of the reasons why.  I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow which also is my Diaverssary of 6 years.  I had thought about waiting a bit longer before announcing the coming of Baby Panke on my blog but as I was lying awake at about 3am this morning I started thinking about my 6 years with diabetes and the pregnancy and I think I have a blog post brewing in my mind that I may combined the 2 topics tomorrow. 

Sometimes It Just Happens

Last night was rough a night. I’m super sleepy today. I’m not sure what it’s like for a Type 2 diabetic, but for a Type 1 who is trying ever so hard to keep a great A1C, night times can be really rough. With or without a CGM. I’d had the same sensor on for yesterday being day 8. I was hoping to get to at least 10 but it had been pretty off all day yesterday on top of the fact that the adhesive was extra itchy, more than usual. I had dinner, watched a show and then jumped in the shower. I had my Dexcom on the bathroom cabinet shelf and it never made a peep. While in the shower I started to feel really weird. I’ve been struggling more and more with hypoglycemia unawareness so I rely on my Dexcom. So as soon as I got out of the shower I checked my BG right away. Dexcom said I was 90 something with a slight arrow down and although a lot of times I could still even out and not drop I thought I had better check anyway. Holy canolie!  I’m so glad I did because I had dropped to 48! As soon as I saw the number 48 I could feel the low hit full on. Maybe it’s a mind thing since I was only kinda feeling it before seeing that number, but I tell you what, it was a bad one! I drank more juice than usual and waited. After 15 minutes the juice was doing it’s job and I was up to 80. 15 minutes after that I was up to 91. I decided it was time to change sensors, which sucked to do so at 9pm because I had hoped to be asleep by 10:30 at the latest and since I was changing the sensor I knew that meant it would be after 11:30 before falling asleep since I had to wait the 2 hour warm up period for my sensor to jive with my body before I could enter in my BGs and then once that happened I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep right away, I never do. So I stay up and 11pm or so comes around and I check.  I enter in my BG twice to the Dexcom, my meter said 120 the first time and 126 the second time. It showed on my Dexcom receiver screen 118 with 2 double down arrows. Wonderful! So I laid in bed trying to decide what to do next, do I drink more juice to keep from another icky low and take that chance of a nasty high because I’m going to even out in the 90’s or 80’s and then climb again after the juice is consumed or do I wait it out to see if I even out in the 90’s or 80’s and be fine for the night? I waited it out, and I’m glad I did because after I finally feel asleep close to midnight with a true reading of 120 BG I was woke up a could hours later by my Dexom saying I was 155. I checked, it was wrong again, I was 130 something, I took a correction bolus and went back to sleep. A couple hours later I was woken up again that I was 268! What the heck?! I checked again and in reality I was 155. I corrected and never actually went any higher. I think all in all I was woken up 4 times by the alarms of having gone high and really I wasn’t that bad. Today, this new sensor has still be pretty off. I know it takes maybe 24 hours or so to get more accurate readings but this is getting really annoying! I’m really sleepy, did I mention that? I know I’ve had worse bad BG nights, but it’s been  a while and it’s been a while since I’ve done a blog posting. I figured it’s time. Summer has been crazy busy, not sure that things are going to slow down anytime soon. Diabetes is a pain as usual. Some days are better than others but it is what it is. I know that it’s Friday but I think I may make it an early to bed night tonight if at all possible. I want my pillow!

What I Really Want Everyone To Know About Living With Diabetes

This following post is not necessarily aimed toward anyone particular, although someone did just make a statement yestarday that is the cause of me writing this post. If you are reading this and ever said anything to me along these lines, or to someone you know, please know that I don’t mean any of this in an offensive way whatsoever. I’m just trying to enlighten my readers, and maybe there is a bit of venting added as well.

 What do I really want you to know about living with diabetes??? A huge pet peeve is hearing “ I could never do that”. This statement is made in regards to so many areas of diabetes it’s unbelievable and when people say it,  it drives me crazy and depending on my mood, how it’s said and who it’s coming from I might want to try an enlighten them, or punch them in the throat. I do believe this statement is made out of complete and total ignorance because in reality the person saying it has no idea what they are saying or what that would mean. In my opinion, although there are many diabetics, Type 1, Type 2, or gestational or whatnot that do not take care of themselves,  I feel that they may not understand the true nature of what they are doing to themselves or even what this statement means to them and their lives or due to lack of education or sadly maybe they really don’t care, and they are the ones that struggle with “doing this”. That breaks my heart, and I don’t judge, it just makes me sad because both of my grandpas’ had Type 2. One took amazing care of himself and was able to get off of insulin and manage with diet, exercise and a pill and the other slowly killed himself by eating whatever and whenever he wanted and not taking the correct amounts of insulin or carb counting. It may not have been diabetes that actually killed him in the end but I know that it contributed a great deal to all of his health issues that did end his life.

Let’s do it this way, let’s take diabetes out of the equation completely. I want you to image the following without thinking about anything that you think you know about diabetes…

 You are given a choice. Limbs that are fully functional, but you have to work for them to stay that way or neuropathy with limbs that lose circulation, feeling and maybe possibly even have to be amputated. What do you choose?

 You are given a choice. Your eyesight as it is now or Retinopathy which may lead to severe vision loss if not complete blindness. Which will you choose?

 You are given a choice. Healthy kidneys that function properly or kidneys that go into shut down mode and you have to go through dialysis, if you are lucky maybe get a kidney transplant. Which do you choose?

 You are given a choice. A healthy pregnancy with a healthy child or a pregnancy with all kinds of issue that put both you and your child at risk and the very likely possibility of miscarriage or a child born with mental issues, deformed body parts, missing organs, the list can go on. Which do you choose?   

 You are given a choice. Life or death. Which do you choose?

By now, I hope you get my point. I didn’t choose to get diabetes. No one else that ever develops it chooses it either. I’m sure before I had it I would probably think the exact same phrase I hate hearing. “I could never do that”, when in fact if I didn’t choose to fight for the first choice in the above then it would be most likely that I’d end up with the second choice. So saying “I could never do that”, I don’t believe that most of you that have thought that or said would really go that route. You COULD DO IT if you had to. If you wanted to have the best quality of life possible then you would fight with every fiber of your being to do what you could to keep your limbs, your eye sight, your kidneys, yourself healthy for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, and for your very life. I don’t think a lot of people who are like my grandpa understood that. They think that they are untouchable even though this deadly disease has its grip on them. They think that it won’t happen to them. It might not immediately, it might take some time, but the likely hood of it happening is greater than it not happening if diet, exercise, carb count, insulin figuring is not all a part of management, if there is no management. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy food, I’m a huge foodie! Weekends are a favorite time to go out and try the newest restaurant in town or try out a favorite. I love to cook, I love to try new recipes and just because I eat healthy doesn’t mean I never eat unhealthy. As a matter of fact over the weekend we tried out a donut shop that we’ve been saying that we wanted to try and hadn’t gotten around to yet. But because I had a donut, I had to work at it to make sure that my blood sugar didn’t go too high because of that donut. It does take a whole lot of work and if you’ve followed my blog you’ve seen that there is burn out. It’s a fact, it can’t be helped burn out is going to happen. But then eventually I realize why I’m fighting for all these things on a daily basis and I get back on track to how I’m eating when and how I should, and managing things the best I am able. There is no guarantee that despite the fight that I will win and that these awful things that I’m fighting against will never happen, they still could, but the chances are greater that they won’t or at least I'm delaying them if I continue to do what you think “you could never do”.   If you think “you could never do it”…. the carb counting, insulin injections, finger sticks, self restraint and anything else that by now is second nature for me, YOU COULD DO IT if you had to! Because I believe you would want to choose the best for yourself and your health. You never realize how strong you are until you have no other choice and you are doing things you never thought you could.