Thankful Thursday

I know that among the D.O.C. there is Wordless Wednesday which I have yet to participate in, but I have followed in Laura from www.a1conceive.wordpress.com foot steps with Friday's Five. Now I'm starting Thankful Thursday. There are so many times with diabetes that it's hard to find anything to be thankful for, but I've decided to write something on Thursdays that I'm thankful for that is diabetes related.

I'm kicking it off with my first Thankful Thursaday......My hubby

When I really think about it there are a lot of things to be thankful for in this day and age when it comes to diabetes. I'm starting out with my hubby because he is my greatest support system next to the D.O.C. and diabetes was kind of a match maker between us. We met 5 years ago, only 3 months before I was diagnosed. It was a year and a half after my diagnosis before we started dating but we became really good friends for about a year before we starting dating. If I had not developed the "D" I would have gone away for training to eventually live and work in a third world country with the expectation of working in an orphanage. It was exactly a month before I was to leave for traing that I went to the doctor and was diagnosed. That diagnosis of course completely changed my life, but it kept me here where I needed to be in order to get to marry my bestfriend. He is learning right along with me and probably more than I know.He can tell when I'm high, not sure if he can when I'm low or not. Recently we were out with some people, my BG was pretty high but I was trying to act like I felt fine and he could tell I didn't. He asked if my bg was high and I asked how he could. He said he could tell by the way I was zoning out when I was trying to listen to someone talk, my eyes just get this glassy red look, kinda like they are going to bug out and the way I kept blinking to keep them open because the high had me really sleepy. Good to know because until then I didn't know that happened when I was running a high. This is just a small example of his attentiveness that I'm thankful for.

Bionic Woman? Someday???

As I was sitting in the drive through this morning at McDonalds for an iced decaf coffee, (I know, what’s the point most people say, but call me crazy, I like the taste. Although it’s not the coffee taste but the creamer.), I read this article  http://diatribe.us/issues/55/test-drive

    It’s quite long, but if you have time to read it do, you will be enlightened. I had no idea how it would affect me. It was a happy, emotional almost to tears feeling. Is a bionic pancreas really feasible? I read another article the other day (Thanks to the DOC I’m finding so much info!) about researchers creating a pump that automatically stops when a low comes on. Not approved yet by the FDA of course. A bionic pancreas…… That sounds way too good to be true! Then again, without great health insurance it probably is. Looks like they are hoping to have FDA approval in 2017 so who knows where I will be in life by then. I’ve started to really get a liking for my pump, I still of course get annoyed at times with it, dresses there is still no easy way to wear them, swimming, that just sucks! That’s a whole other blog in itself, but that’s for another day. So anyway, since getting accustom to having this battery operated thing attached to me all the time, the bionic pancreas would maybe be a little more of a hassle, but since I don’t have a CGM maybe it would just be like having one of those. This is in no way a cure for diabetes at all. A cure would be not wearing gadgets and tubing on the outside of my body and looking like I must internally be a robot. A cure would be no shots, no finger pricks, no carb counting by me or a device. A cure would be for my pancreas to be regenerated. I have read articles on that, that recently researchers found a gene in mice that cause regeneration in cells of some sort, but yet again, is it too good to be true? Or at least in my lifetime? Even if I never see it I hope that it does come to pass for others.

Just My Thoughts

I've been pretty open to the fact that I started on the pump and have made other steps towards getting this T1 body of mine baby ready. I have know idea what God has in store or how far off that is. With making all these changes and seeing friends post their preggers pics on Face Book it's kinda hard to not think about what the future holds. I'm terrified in so many ways. I know every woman has fears about their first pregnancy but I don't know anyone else who has all of mine. There is the thought more often than not wondering if trying to get pregnant would be a selfish thing. What if my bg's harm the baby, what if it seems fine in the womb but then is born with something awful! I'd never forgive myself. As I put those fears aside in creep more. All I have ever wanted for as long as I can remember is to be a wife, and a stay at home mom. Its my dream. In an age when more women seem to have careers and take their children to babysitters or daycare my dream seems to be odd to most. I don't judge or condemn those moms. It works for them. I have to say, I don't know how they do it, but somehow they do. I don't have a baby yet and I already most of the time feel like I can't keep up on things and I'm failing. So add a baby to the mix and that scares me. As upset as I can get right now when thinking about or talking being a working mom I can't imagine how I will be when I'm pregnant. That thought of going back to work already kills me. I don't hate my job by any means, but I'm afraid I might when a baby is involved. I know this may all be premature, but its on my mind a lot. Dang "D"! Feels like its going to keep me working to the day I die!

Disclaimer: These thoughts in no way whatsoever are a reflection on my husband or his job. He has a great job, and a great boss and we are truly blessed. I have to work in order to obtain health insurance. Brad does an amazing job providing for me as I know he will when we have a little one. If you don't know us you would never know by looking at us that he is the thrift store king! Almost our entire wardrobes are from thrift stores but you would never guess it because he finds all name brands. Our furniture in our house is thrift store, or craigslist. He has an amazing gift that way! I wouldn't trade being married to someone who's health insurance would take me at all.

Fiday's Five

1. I don’t do diet or sugar free anything. I try to stay away from fake sweeteners and just bolus accordingly for the extra carbs. Since it was a year ago in April that I gave up soda/energy drinks of any kind completely (Yay me!!!) it’s not been too hard.  

2. New found favorite juice box… V8 very berry. Yum! Trying to go a little healthier with some fruits and veggies in the mix and not just flavored sugar water. I’m like a little kid when I suck them down, they have a purple dinosaur on them. ;) These stay at home and don’t go out in public with me.

3. Not so pretty fingers… My finger tips because of testing on an average of 10 times a day don’t look so great, but got a manicure for the wedding last weekend that is still holding up pretty well and now my nails at least look pretty. Ignore the calloused and dottie finger tips.

4. It’s summer! That means pool time! First time to the pool this year will be Sunday and I’ll go pumpless for a bit. That’s going to be an adventure as it will be the first time going without my pump for an extended amount of time since starting it back in February. I’d say I will feel a little less cyborgish, but I’ll still have my site for my infusion set on my stomach so not quite fully human feeling. Thank God for tankienies!

5. Insulin pumps and roller coasters don’t go together very well apparently? Good thing I’m not really into roller coasters, but if I went on one before I found out about the possibility of the magnetic forces scrambling my pump, this girly would not be happy.

Something To Brag About

Yesterday is a day to be documented, a day for my diabetes history book. It was the best "D" day that I've had. I've not had my bg so good in 5 years! Altho I must admit that I was at 163 before bed, other than that the highest I saw all day was 116 with one low of 54 in the afternoon. Graph below is before my bedtime bg. My gosh that was beautiful!!!

Today...... Not so much, back to a day of being reminded I'm diabetic. Woke up at 86, which I thought was  a great sign, but then after breakfast and into lunch I stayed between 145-185. After lunch in the 200's no matter how much I kept bolusing and finally got down to 105 before dinner. But I like seeing the dots on yesterday! It can happen, maybe next time it will be sooner than 4 1/2 years.

Fridays Five

Ok, this is going to be a short and sweet one for today.

1. Trying to be patient as others don't understand that if I'm told we are going to eat in 5 minutes it had better be. 45 minutes later after taking my insulin and having to down candy and praying I don't have an episode.... Really quite scary.

2. I'm loving my clutch I won thru textingmypancreas.com. It's awesome! I'll post more on that later.

3. Still nervous about going low during the wedding I'm in tomorrow. I didn't even feel I was down to 45 last night at rehearsal dinner before eating. That was scary on top of bolusing and not eating for about 45 minutes later.

4. Got more test strips for my one touch. Kinda bummed cuz I would love to continue using my Bayer one that works with my pump, but insurance doesn't cover enough so back to the one touch.

5. Had a conversation with a complete stranger the other day about diabetes when she saw my bag and I told her that it had special compartments. That was kinda a cool conversation.

That's all for today folks.

Oh You're Brave

"Oh you're brave!" or some variation is a somewhat common thing to hear. I find this odd. I'm not offended by it, just find it to be somewhat strange that doing the things I have to do in order to live would be considered brave. It's kinda ironic to me. Because you see as a teen I struggled with some pretty hard core depression, I mean I was suicidal and thought about killing myself almost every day for most of my teens. If I had been diagnosed as a teen with diabetes I could almost guarantee that I wouldn't be here. I'm pretty sure that I would have neglected to take insulin or given myself too much. Now though, and even before being diagnosed with the "D" at age 25 I cherish this life. So if sticking my finger 10 times a day is brave......If giving myself shots in my stomach 5 times a day is brave.... If wearing an insulin pump is brave..... If wearing my pump openly is brave..... If talking openly about this disease in order for those around me to gain a better understanding is brave.....If writing this blog is brave.....If contemplating pregnancy is brave..... If getting my body and bgs baby ready is brave.......If going through a pregnancy despite the chances of miscarriage, birth defects, and the other "bad" odds there are as a T1D  will make me brave.......Then okay I guess. For me and all the others out there like me, I guess you could say we are brave. I think that anyone else that deals with all of this would agree with me that it's about living life. Yes all the daily "D" management is highly annoying at times, but it's a fact of our lives and something we have to live with and deal with to the best of our abilities in order to live the best quality of life possible for as long as possible. It amazes me when people have told me they could never give themselves a shot when they find out that's what I've had to do. If they had a choice between death and a needle I'm pretty sure they would choose the needle. If they were sick enough with high BG long enough, they'd choose the needles. Maybe there would be crying and it take 20 minutes in the doctor's office holding that needle to the stomach before following through with it (that was what I did), but shots would be chosen. It's about doing my best not to let this disease hold me back and to live my life to the fullest that I possibly can. So if that's brave, then okay! I'm brave!

1sts

There is a first time for everything and this past weekend I had a few. Friday morning on my way out of the bedroom getting ready to head out the door for work the bedroom door handel some how got caught in my tubbing and ripped my infusion set sight right out of my side. That was pleasant, but no blood, just a quick silouhette change. Sucked cuz I had just changed it the night before so wasn't due to be changed till Sunday. I know its bad but this one I'm leaving in longer than I should since that was money down the drain.

Saturday was the first time I wore my pump so that it was so visible. I had it attached to my skirt waistband not covered up. Then, the next first, I was asked if it was a walky talky. That was funny. Today had been a first in a REALLY long time of almost perfect bg, at least perfect for a t1d. Hope I didn't just jinks it!

On a totally seperate note, I'm in a wedding on Saturday and even though I've been in a few others including my own since being diagnosed  I'm nervous because of all of the lows that I've had lately. I think I'm going to use my temp basal setting on my pump for the ceremony to hopefully avoid any issues. So I guess it will be another first for me. First time in a wedding with my pump. My amazing mother inlaw sewed a secret pocket into my dress for me so that I have easy acess to my pump. Yay for firsts!!!!

Wearing my pancreas for all to see

Going to a bachelorette party and I really don't want to have to hike up my skirt in the bathroom stall when I need access to it or go boobie fishing at the table so this is my solution. Wearing my battery operated pancreas on the outside for all to see.

Friday's Five

It's Friday! Give your self a high five! You made it to Friday!!! Woot woot!!!!!! Do your happy dance....

 Friday's Five:

1. Chocolate/Peanut Butter….. Food is not the enemy to a diabetic, our own bodies are the enemy, not producing or using insulin productively. Chocolate/peanut butter though, because of AAALLLLLL the FAT…… chocolate/peanut butter is my enemy. Why oh why yummy goodness can you not be good for raising blood sugar levels when needed.  Instead it’s something with straight sugar and little fat that has to do the trick. Bolusing and carb counting must be done for the chocolate/peanut butter indulgence.

2.  Lows…..Speaking of lows.. I know I’m so going to get in trouble from co-workers if they are reading this. I know I need to be smarter when I get low. Like the other day about quarter to 5 I noticed I wasn’t feeling real great and when I checked I was all the way down to 47. I ate my 4 Starbursts and got to 97 before driving home from work, but boy that was a scary one that felt like the longest 15 minutes ever, and I even still felt low even when I wasn’t. I know I should start telling someone when I’m not doing so great, but I hate the idea because it happens so often I don’t want to appear that I’m just wanting attention. I just want to deal with it on my own, but I don’t want to learn the hard way either and end up in the hospital.

3.  Balancing Exercise and BG….. As thankful as I have been that I haven’t been dealing with a  lot of highs lately (thanks to the pump and me being disciplined), when the evening rolls around and I’m ready to go on my walk after work I’m too low to go on my 2 ½ - 3 mile walk. I’ve realized that if I’m under 120 BG I’m going to drop it like it’s hot. I have to eat something. Doesn’t matter if I set my pump on a temp basal I’m still going to end up way too low. Which sucks, I don’t want to eat when the whole point is trying to lose a couple pounds/maintain my weight and get in shape. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. I hate to keep popping starbursts in my mouth before going on a walk. I’m not complaining that I’m so close to 100 right after work/before dinner. It’s definitely a good thing and something that I’m thankful for, I’m just not sure about balancing things out.

4.  Glucose Buddy…… I really like this app on my phone, if I can remember to use it. It’s just another thing to remember to do. Although my meter goes to my pump, (not for long because I’ve ordered more test strips for my old one touch meter. Much cheaper than my new one that I like. Insurance doesn’t cover enough and although it makes “D” life much easier and one less step in all the monitoring, it’s just not worth the extra cost in my book.) it doesn’t show a graph and I still have to eventually write everything down for my CDE anyway so I might as well log it in my phone right away, if I only I keep doing that.

5.  Diabetes Is Not An Excuse… It really isn’t and I know that this phrase can be interpreted in several ways. I’m talking about it today in that fact that it’s not a cop out, but a serious thing that if I can’t do something I really can’t.  As I’ve said in prior posts, I didn’t get the best education over the last few years. One thing that I still don’t know a whole lot about are ketones, and I know that I should because they are dangerous. I know that they develop because of high bg for long periods of time and that’s probably why I haven’t really educated myself on them recently, because it doesn’t happen very often for me and when I have checked for them, I haven’t had any.  So when I say I can’t do something active because I’m too low, I really can’t. If I say I can’t do something because I have been really high and having a hard time getting down, I feel like crap at that point, possibly  have ketones  developing and need to rest, drink lots of water and figure out what I need to do to get things were needed. (Lots of scenarios! My pump, reservoir, tubing, site, canula, etc, etc… list goes on.)   I remember back shortly after being diagnosed I was out with some friends, I had not driven and I started to feel bad, head ache, exhausted, just stinking crappy, it was because I was high. I just wanted to go home. My friend that had driven me got mad because I wanted to go home and thought that I was just using “D” as a cop out. It’s not as easy as that, I wish it were, but it’s not a cop out or an excuse, it’s a fact.

Bubbles

286! 2 hrs after breakfast?! What the what????? Oh.... Air bubbles in my tubing, a whole lot of air bubbles. Ok, correction bolus 2.5 and move on. Its going to be okay, alright ok. Moving on now.