Strength or Weakness

I’m writing this in two parts. This is the first part, before tonight and the second is later on……..

Asking for help or support can sometimes sadly be seen as a weakness. As a T1 sometimes trying to take the best care of oneself can been seen as a weakness, or like it’s being taken too seriously. I have hesitated on reaching out for these 5 years. I tried doing it on my own, thinking that my bad doc, was just how endos where and that I was taking the best care of myself that was possible. I thought that maybe I was just too anal about my care, but now I see that being anal is not a bad thing when it comes to diabetes care. So I haven’t really reached out or asked for help but the DOC has shown me that it’s okay, and it’s needed. For my sanity, my health and overall well being, I need support. People that don’t understand “D” say some hurtful things. Not everyone, but some. I’m really surprised at the wedge that it seems to have caused in some relationships over the years. I don’t talk about it all the time out side of this blog, but even so, certain people will just get this weird look on their faces when it comes up, and it will come up. I won’t get into the whole thing of the comments that are made or the faces or eye rolling. I've gone off about that enough in other blogs and I’m sure to again at some point in the future. It wasn't until the past six months that I even really brought it up that much to my hubby. But with getting baby ready, and getting on the pump he has had to hear, and see more of my “D” life. He has always been a HUGE support from the very beginning. I was diagnosed only a few short months after we met, and we were not very close then. He hung out with my group of friends and even dated a friend of mine for a short time. (That was weird) Even during that time he was the most caring and supportive person out of anyone else I knew. Even though he is the person closest to me, asking for help and talking about it has been hard. I don’t want to sound like “D” consumes my life, but with all of the changes of my-self care over the last 6 months he is seeing firsthand what life is like with T1. He has even seen how my low symptoms change over a course of time. With all of this being said, it’s taken  lot for me to branch out and finally make the decision to find out about and attend any kind of “group” for women with T1. Feeling apprehensive, nervous and scared are putting it lightly. I’m a total introvert anyway, and I hate branching out into new social situations so this is scary. I have no idea what to expect and I kinda want to throw up just thinking about it. I don’t want to be put on the spot, and I’m hoping that doesn't happen. I’m hoping I can just sit there and listen for the most part. I guess we’ll see how it goes……………………

So I just got home from the meeting. There were I think about 10 of us there, and 4 of us were newbies. It was 3 other womens first times as well. It was interesting because the majority of us were diagnosed over the age of 20. Most in their late 20's early 30's. I'll definitely be going back, I felt a bit awkward not knowing how it worked or anything, but overall I think that it will be good for me to continue going. It's only once a month and I should be able to fit that into my stupid busy schedule. It was kinda weird seeing other people pulling out their pumps and hearing talk of A1Cs. 

Sometimes, reaching out for support isn't admitting that you are weak, but just admitting that you are human. I think it takes a strong person to ask for back up, for support. So I'm not going to beat myself up for waiting for so long for going. I'm not going to beat myself up for breaking down and going. It is what it is and I think this is a good thing. So I'm looking at this today as a strength, not a weakness. It takes a really strong person to live with "D". I don't have a choice but to be strong, but sometimes I need some one else to help remind me that I am, and this was the reminder that I needed.