Friday's Five

1. I'm thankful that despite having a disease that requires constant TLC I am able to do long wonderful weekend get aways and I'm able to have adventures and explore. "D" you're not getting in my way this weekend!!!

2. I'm actually thankful that I may possibly have a slight touch of OCD, then again I think t1 creates that in a person. This means I'm pretty on top of and in tune with how my body is feeling and what it's doing.

3. You can never over pack diabetes supplies.

4. Traveling with a pump may require more supplies than before, but keeping bg level is a bit easier.
At least when infusion sites and everything is working correctly.

5. I just got some fruit snacks yesterday as a new low pick me up. They rock! I've not seen any before that are mainly fruit juice and no artificial sweetners or anything and these are really good.

DSMA August Blog Carnival

August DSMA Blog Carnival

Diabetes is a condition that affects more than just our bodies, it influences our emotions as well.  It can sometimes feel harder to cope with the emotional aspects of diabetes than the physical demands. 

What can a parent of a child with diabetes, or a person with diabetes, do to help reduce the emotional impact of caring for diabetes?

 “This post is my August entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival.  If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetescaf.org/2013/08/august-dsma-blog-carnival-3/“

As a person with diabetes what do I do to reduce the emotional impact of caring for diabetes?

Wow, that’s a hard one. Couldn't make it an easy one this month could they? :)

Well, honestly I’m still trying to figure this one out. I really don’t think I even realized what an emotional impact there was until I got on my pump and starting testing on average of 10 times a day. When I was only testing maybe 4 times a day I didn't realized what my body was doing or how my BG looked so I really didn't know and because my BG was higher all of the time I was accustom to feeling like crud more I guess. Of course when I was diagnosed and for a while after diagnosis it was all emotional, but only recently have I been dealing with this side of the disease again. Partly because it’s become more real and I guess after almost 5 years, (yes it took that long, not sure why!), I finally realized that it’s not going away, I’m stuck with it.

So how do I deal with the emotional impact of caring for the “D”? I rely on support. Support from my husband, support from blogging and the DOC, support from my CDE,  support in my relationship with God. None of that makes it any less emotional, but I’m learning to allow myself to be emotional, but trying not to dwell on it. I don’t want to bottle it all up, and I do allow myself the occasional outburst and break downs, but learning to let it out in a healthy way, is not easy.                                       

 As well as learning who I can talk to about it without feeling judged and who not to talk to about it. I cannot get mad at people who don’t understand and who don’t have any desire to understand. I think that is a huge thing, because I think that we let other people’s responses get to us, and that affects how we feel about ourselves and our management.

  I’m also learning when to take a step back and not push myself too hard. Somehow I tend to have one of the busiest schedules out of anyone I know. Being an introvert this tends to make things harder. Therefore I have to take a step back and say no sometimes, and sometimes I have to stress no with a big fat NO if I’m feeling like I need to get some “me” time in. If I don’t allow myself some “me” time then that just adds to the emotional stress.

 This goes for sleep as well. I have to make sure I get enough sleep otherwise that can cause my BG to start to go wack, on top of just the normal stress of getting overly emotional from lack of sleep.

 I’ve found that when traveling, lists are a must, as well as double checking if not triple checking and not packing in a rush. On the last trip out of town I forgot several things that just make this “D” life easier. Neither were things that I had to rush to the nearest pharmacy for or got sick without, but I did have an emotional break down the first night because of just the stress.

So recap……….

Relying on support of those I trust.

Taking out time for myself and not pushing myself too much with the business of life.

SLEEP!

Lists for traveling as well as not rushing and being sure that I’m tripling checking that I have everything I need. (Also asking hubby if he can think of anything I may have forgotten is always a good idea)

These are the ways and things I do to the best of my ability to alleviate the emotional toll of the daily “D” life.

Friday's Five

1. Apparently I like to change my infusion sites in my car because I have been doing that a lot lately.

 2. After going to the Divas meeting the other night I’m wondering how many people actually follow a “diabetic diet”, or just count the carbs and bolus accordingly. They were talking about protein portion sizes, and the food pyramid. Yea, I’m not so great with any of that. I figure if I’m eating veggies and counting my carbs and blousing and not eating super sugary/greasy foods I’m okay…. Right?

 3. I hate the phrase that as a “D” I hear all the time. “ You can live a normal life, you can still do whatever you want to do.” Really? How “normal” is pricking my finger 10+ times a day? How  “normal” is having to sleep, eat, breath and live with a battery run cyborg part as a pancreas? How “normal” is doing math and blousing at least 15 minutes before eating? How ‘normal” is having to pass on a work out because of a high/low bg or having to eat just in order to do said work out or eat right after or during because of a low? As far as doing whatever I want to do? Well, I can’t be a stay at home mom because I have to have health insurance. I’ve been thinking about going to school to become a CDE/dietitian, but I would not want to do that part time and going full time wouldn’t be possible with a full time job. So, do whatever I want to do? Where there is a will there is a way??? I’m not too optimistic on those points right now.....

4. I’m still totally burnt out and in a funk (like you couldn’t tell), I’m trying to find the beauty in things, but I’m feeling pretty defeated lately. I’m really praying that I get over this soon.

5. Not diabetes related, but totally stoked that hubby’s bro and family are in town. We only really get to see them tomorrow but I cannot wait to see the babies! Ok, so 4 and 2 are not really the ages of babies, but still. And I’m stoked to see of course my sister-in law and bro-in law. I think we may be doing date night tomorrow. She is preggers right now and still kinda sick so it all depends on how she feels. But I know I at least get to see them tomorrow afternoon for my nephews birthday party!!!

Strength or Weakness

I’m writing this in two parts. This is the first part, before tonight and the second is later on……..

Asking for help or support can sometimes sadly be seen as a weakness. As a T1 sometimes trying to take the best care of oneself can been seen as a weakness, or like it’s being taken too seriously. I have hesitated on reaching out for these 5 years. I tried doing it on my own, thinking that my bad doc, was just how endos where and that I was taking the best care of myself that was possible. I thought that maybe I was just too anal about my care, but now I see that being anal is not a bad thing when it comes to diabetes care. So I haven’t really reached out or asked for help but the DOC has shown me that it’s okay, and it’s needed. For my sanity, my health and overall well being, I need support. People that don’t understand “D” say some hurtful things. Not everyone, but some. I’m really surprised at the wedge that it seems to have caused in some relationships over the years. I don’t talk about it all the time out side of this blog, but even so, certain people will just get this weird look on their faces when it comes up, and it will come up. I won’t get into the whole thing of the comments that are made or the faces or eye rolling. I've gone off about that enough in other blogs and I’m sure to again at some point in the future. It wasn't until the past six months that I even really brought it up that much to my hubby. But with getting baby ready, and getting on the pump he has had to hear, and see more of my “D” life. He has always been a HUGE support from the very beginning. I was diagnosed only a few short months after we met, and we were not very close then. He hung out with my group of friends and even dated a friend of mine for a short time. (That was weird) Even during that time he was the most caring and supportive person out of anyone else I knew. Even though he is the person closest to me, asking for help and talking about it has been hard. I don’t want to sound like “D” consumes my life, but with all of the changes of my-self care over the last 6 months he is seeing firsthand what life is like with T1. He has even seen how my low symptoms change over a course of time. With all of this being said, it’s taken  lot for me to branch out and finally make the decision to find out about and attend any kind of “group” for women with T1. Feeling apprehensive, nervous and scared are putting it lightly. I’m a total introvert anyway, and I hate branching out into new social situations so this is scary. I have no idea what to expect and I kinda want to throw up just thinking about it. I don’t want to be put on the spot, and I’m hoping that doesn't happen. I’m hoping I can just sit there and listen for the most part. I guess we’ll see how it goes……………………

So I just got home from the meeting. There were I think about 10 of us there, and 4 of us were newbies. It was 3 other womens first times as well. It was interesting because the majority of us were diagnosed over the age of 20. Most in their late 20's early 30's. I'll definitely be going back, I felt a bit awkward not knowing how it worked or anything, but overall I think that it will be good for me to continue going. It's only once a month and I should be able to fit that into my stupid busy schedule. It was kinda weird seeing other people pulling out their pumps and hearing talk of A1Cs. 

Sometimes, reaching out for support isn't admitting that you are weak, but just admitting that you are human. I think it takes a strong person to ask for back up, for support. So I'm not going to beat myself up for waiting for so long for going. I'm not going to beat myself up for breaking down and going. It is what it is and I think this is a good thing. So I'm looking at this today as a strength, not a weakness. It takes a really strong person to live with "D". I don't have a choice but to be strong, but sometimes I need some one else to help remind me that I am, and this was the reminder that I needed. 

5 Year D-Anniversary

5 years! Wow! I know that compared to some that this is nothing. For me, a lot has happened in the last 5 year. I met my hubby, we got married almost 2 ½ years ago, I’ve been at my current job for 4 ½  years. I’ve stayed in the same house for almost 2 ½ years. (that’s kinda big because before that I moved 4 times in less than 2 years!) A lot has happened in 5 years. 5 years ago today I was diagnosed with Type 1. Since being diagnosed I’ve gone from 5 shots a day to now being on the pump. I’ve finally grown to appreciate my battery operated pancreas. It does the math for me on things that I just shouldn’t have to do in the first place. It has helped my BG levels be at a much happier place!  I’ve switched docs, I’ve met an amazing CDE, tomorrow, which will be 5 years since going to the endo the first time, I will be going to a JDRF meeting for women with T1. Another BIG thing to mark this anniversary with I guess. There have been times that I wondered if it would have been easier had I been diagnosed as a little kid, then I wouldn’t have known the difference. But after reading stories among the DOC, the teen years and diabetes sound like complete and total hell. So that, I am thankful I did not have to go through. Plus, my family was poor, and I don’t know that I would have survived with T1 as a kid. I’m not even joking, we didn’t have health insurance most of the time growing up, and I don’t know how we would have gotten all the medical supplies or done doctor’s visits all the time. Being able to care for myself, and manage my own care and be responsible has been a blessing. Although being diagnosed felt like the end of my life at the time in some ways it was just the beginning. I’ve gotten healthier, at least my lifestyle anyway. I love veggies now, as before I hated them. Processed, boxed foods, we don’t eat so much of those. Sure getting as healthy as I am about eating now did not happen right off the bat. Aiming toward baby time has defiantly helped, but the diagnosis did as well. My endo at the time never hooked me up with a CDE or a dietitian. For about the first month all I ate was veggies and protein and felt like I was starving myself because I didn’t think I could have carbs. I learned carb counting from a friend of one of my mom’s friends who was a dietitian. She didn’t know a ton about “D”, but she knew enough and helped to guide me in the right direction to do my own research so I could figure out how to eat. Any time I tried to call my endo’s office and ask about what to eat or how to figure something out they said I just had to guess and I would learn that way. That’s a REALLY bad answer! (If you have a doc ever say something like that, it’s a sure sign you need to find a new one. Right away!)  I should have looked for another doctor right away, but I only did so in the past 6 months of this year. You know the story if you have been following my blog.   I don’t have any plans to commiserate with any kind of sweets tonight. I really have no plans other than vegging on the couch. I fought with my mother in-laws sewing machine and determined that it's definitely operator error the issues that I'm having. I thought that I would have more on my mind this year, but now that it’s the day, I really don’t. I told Brad this morning that today marks 5 years. He didn't know what to say. He said congratulations, you still have your teeth. What?! OK, he can get away with a comment like that. Anyone else would get a sucker punch in the face. Or at least in my head they would .

Ever Changing Lows

Blood sugar, or blood glucose lows, there are a lot of different symptoms and I've discovered that they tend to change every so often. In the beginning my hands would tingle, my tongue would seem to swell and tingle a bit and I would get the worst hot flashes. I don't know what a menopausal woman feels but I would bet that the hot flashes from a low are comparable to hot flashes during menopause. There have been times that I've had to go to the bathroom at work and wipe the sweat from my back, chest and behind my knees from a low sweat.

There is the light headed, dizziness and confusion that have been common.

Recently I called hubby's aunt one night for a family recipe that I wanted to make for dinner. It wasn't until after I got off the phone that I realized I was low. I couldn't remember much of what his aunt had said, couldn't figure out what or where to start for dinner or what to do. Brad was home so I treated the low and making dinner was a team effort, even if a bit rocky it turned out good.

Another night recently after dinner Brad had just left and I was home by myself. Had he been home he would have stopped me from over treating this low. I was doing dishes and as usual it hit out of no where and it was a bad one. I felt like I was starving, and I couldn't think straight for anything. I ate two pieces of licorice, and three good sized brownies that I had made for hubs a few days before. Needless to say, I ended up sleeping that low hangover / sugar spike off.

Hunger from a low is not a normal hunger, there really is no way to describe it to a non diabetic. It's insane, I think it has to be a bit of the mind playing tricks. It causes a person to want to just keep shoveling food in their mouth and not even care. Since you are low there is no logical thinking involved so it's hard to have restraint.

Lately confusion, serious confusion and crankiness are the symptoms I get. Brad has been calling me diabetic cranky. I've told him that I can't control it, I really can't, I don't think I even necessarily know how mean or cranky I am. Altho he teases me about  being diabetic cranky he is pretty good about it. It's just another thing to work through.

Just not into it

I know I haven't written much lately. I don't want to say that I'm depressed, I don't even know if I'm going through diabetes burn out. I'm just sick of thinking about it. I'm still taking care of myself to the best of my ability, but I guess I just don't have much to say. It's kinda just the same old annoying, worrisome routine. I read other peoples blogs and theirs are so much better put together, I feel like anything I would say lately would be negative and complaining. Next week is my d-anniversary, so I'm sure I will blog about that. On the 21st I'm planning to go to a womens group at the local JDRF office. I'm sure I'll have some input on that. I'm not sure what to expect from that. A little nervous it will be like what I imagine. Everyone sitting around crying about how awful like with t1 is. I really don't need that right now. I'm hoping that it's a place for me to feel connected, especially if I can make some connections with some women who have been through the whole pregnancy thing before I go through it. That would be nice. So anyway, if I'm not posting much, that's why. I'm sure things will change again soon.

What Am I Covered In???

Sometimes, diabetes can have it’s funny moments. As a woman I work with said when I told her this story, how many people do you know that can really say they have had something like this happen? 

“What am I covered in?!”

This is what my hubby’s first thoughts were this morning when he woke up. I get up at least a half hour before he does, so as I was in the kitchen getting my breakfast together I could hear him in the bedroom. He comes out somewhat laughing. “What did you do last night?” Brad asks, “I don’t know, what are you talking about?”. I follow him into the bedroom and all over his side of the bed and on the floor there are test strips everywhere! He said he woke up wondering what the heck he was covered in. I know I checked myself in the middle of the night at one point, but how a bottle of strips ended up all on his side of the bed and nowhere near mine is a mystery.

A Scary Low, Chinese and Beauty and the Beast???

Last night was leftovers night. Brad had leftover chicken curry and rice and I had leftover chicken and black bean tacos. It was about 7:30 when I checked my BG, I was a little on the lower side, 74. Therefore, I didn’t pre-bolus, I waited until my tacos were heated up, so I bolused and started to eat within 10 minutes of checking and seeing the 74. As I was eating I could tell I was plummeting. Within 20 minutes of checking the first time I had dropped to 42! I had a juice box and slowly finished my dinner. I say slowly because I was totally not feeling so hot. Around 10:30 when I went to bed I checked and I was 135, and my pump said I still had too much insulin in my system to  do a correction. I could tell I was going high, but I didn’t want to do a correction or set a temp basal on my pump for fear of crashing during my sleep. I slept through the night, never woke up to check and what was my fasting BG???? 204!!! Yuck! I knew it! It totally sucks, when you are in the middle of a good meal, have to ruin it with something to take care of a scary low, and then end up high later because you took the correct amount of insulin to cover your meal, but because they are complex or slow acting carbs they don’t kick in when you need them to, but kick in hours later after the insulin you took for it is out of your system. I obviously should have probably done a temp basal, but I’m always leery on doing that at night before going to bed unless it’s for something like ice-cream or something I know for sure will be kicking in while I sleep.

While I’m on the topic of temp basal and high carbs………. Friday night it rained, so that canceled any plans we had for going to Food Truck Friday. (Yes, I know, that sounds soooo healthy right?) Then, since my knees are still quite grotesque and painful I decided it would be better to stay in, so we ordered Chinese. Chinese is one of those things I have chosen not to have in months, maybe even a year because I know the high fat content and carbs will make for a bad night. This time, now that I have my pump, I did do what’s known in the “D” world as a SWAG (Scientific wild a** guess) on my meal time insulin, and then did a temp basal rate for 5 hours of 30%. This seemed to work quite well, I was still a bit worried about going high through the night so I did set a temp again when I went to bed, but I I think it was only about 20%. I woke up Saturday with the beautiful number of 120! That’s waaaaayyyyy better than this mornings!

Side note, how did I get the Beauty and the Beast theme song stuck in my head? It's been going round and round in my mind since late in the day at work. Weird!

Wipe Out

No Fridays Five for me today. I got nothing good.

Yesterday Brad and I went on a 6 mile bike ride. He got our bikes fixed up a bit ago and I've been anxious to go on a ride. He had a little pouch that he attached to my bike that I put my meter, strips and glucose tabs in. Since it's been so long since I've ridden I had no idea what my bg would do. Well, miss clumsy here had no issues with my bg. I had a couple pieces of licorice to get a bit higher before the ride so that helped, and I stayed in the low 100's all evening. Yay! What's not yay, is that I wiped out on our way back home, a little more than 2 1/2 miles from home. I caught my front tire in his back tire and I went down hard, as you can see by the pic. I'm just going to pray for good bg and fast healing!

Thankful Thursday Among Other Things

Today, I will state something that I’m thankful for, but this will be more ramblings than anything else I think. Today’s science and medicine. Yes this is typically D related but today I'm refering to something other than the "D". I lost, don’t ask me how, because I have no idea, but I somehow lost my medicine on Monday for my Diabetes Insipidus. (In case you haven’t seen it in another of my postings this has nothing to do with the “D”. Weird I know. If you really want to know more about it look it up. Sorry, I’m in no mood to explain. ) This medicine I figured would still be in my system until I could get it again from Wal-Greens almost 24hrs later. Nope! Big fat NOPE!!!! I literally got up to pee 6 times Monday night into Tuesday morning. Hell! I was miserable on Tuesday. I couldn’t drink enough water to cover how much I was peeing all day at work, and I was going about once, at least, every hour. Once I got my meds, they seemed to kick into gear in a few hours and I got a good nights rest that night. I still felt ick the next day. I had no idea without my little white pills I’d go downhill so fast. So, meds, yes please. I know a lot of people that are very anti-medicine. All holistic and all natural. I had a friend make an ignorant comment once about my thyroid meds. Really? I’m just going to leave this portions topic with this. I will do as much as I can to be healthy, eat organic, and not put chemically enhanced things into my body, but I also value my quality of life and sometimes that means relying on modern medicine!  I thank God for it!

Now, moving on….. Stress, I don’t know what is going on with my sugar levels lately! I don’t know if it’s stress or what. Yesterday morning, I changed my site a little before noon.  Around 1:00 I started noticing my BG creeping up. So I bolused accordingly. 2 hours later 237. I didn’t really believe it so I checked on another meter and then on the original that I had just used and they were all relatively close. Crap, that’s how I stayed well into the evening, I couldn’t get it to go down no matter how much insulin I would give myself. I changed my site, there was no kink in the cannula, and I checked and inculin was coming out of the pump through the tubbing. EEEERRRRR…… Why? Why must this happen? It’s like throwing money down the drain. So I changed it, and somehow over corrected and ended up eating twizlers and starbursts. Thankfully, that didn’t send me too high again. Needless to say, I felt pretty fantastic yesterday. Maybe that’s why I’m still so tired today, from yesterday and Tuesday? Regardless of the highs all afternoon into the evening yesterday, I’ve been having more than I would like. It’s cooled off so I can’t say that I can blame the heat. So maybe it’s stress related?

On another note, my third point of rambling for the day. J I signed up last week I think for an email news letter from http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com  and I received my first email news letter yesterday. There is a section in the news letter for the DOC/social media. Well I’m scrolling through it and I see one of the blogs listed had the same title as mine from last thankful Thursday. I thought, huh someone had the same idea. I clicked, and it was mine!!! Ok, just have to say thanks! I have no idea how that happened but I am unbelievably flattered to have my blog featured. Never would have thought that this little country girl from a little town in the Midwest that just happened to develop diabetes and just happened to start blogging about it would ever have anything she has written featured anywhere. So if you are reading this whoever posted it, thank you. I’m trying to figure out if someone else shared a link for it though as well, because it’s not on their website as far as I can find and their news letter just went out yesterday, but I had way more hits on it last weekend than I ever have with more comments than I ever have. So I’m really curious how people found me.  I’ll stop the ramblings for today, otherwise it will just turn to nothingness if it already hasn’t.