Thursday, April 11, 2013

Apology Accepted!

Now that I have started this blog, I guess it really has been enlightening and educating to some, which does give me the warm fuzzies. I say this because recently I have had a few people apologize for things they said or did that I guess after reading what I have been writing they thought that may have hurt my feelings. I do appreciate the apologies and in all honesty it has gotten me thinking a little more about those around me, what they say to me and how I react, whether that be in my head or if I actually outwardly react. I was not offended by the comments that were apologized for, those were miniscule in comparison to other things that have been said to me. Yes, there have been times when someone has said or done something regarding my diet, or actions regarding the “D” when I have imagined strangling them or sucker punching them because of their thoughtlessness, or I just look at them like they are an idiot. Lately though, I’m trying to remind myself, that before being diagnosed, I would be just as clueless. I probably would have said things or done things myself not knowing. Although I’ve had T1D for going on 5 years, I’m still learning myself and that’s how it will be for the rest of my life. This isn’t something that a person can ever get the hang of or get comfortable with. As humans, and especially as women our bodies are consistently changing.  As we get older our hormones change, our metabolism changes,  our bodies age. Pregnancy, during and after changes things, menopause changes things. All of these things will have an effect on my “D”. Certain foods affect my BG differently than others, how active I’ve been, if I’ve been sick, if I’m about to be, on or just ending or not on my period. I’m still learning all of this, and again there are times when there is no rhyme or reason for my BG levels to do what they do. So just as I would like those around me to be sensitive to what they say about me and the “D” and how I act or treat it, I need to be sensitive to them as well, because they just don’t know.

It’s been really encouraging and I have to brag on my wonderful hubby for a minute. He has been amazing!!! He hates to read, so I was impressed when I came home from work one day right after I had gotten my glucagon and he told me how it was to be used on me if I was to go into a diabetic coma or pass out. I had left it on the dining room table and told him I needed to go over the instructions with him but he knew all about it and explained it perfectly!  I also over heard him on the phone explaining a lot of what’s been going on with me to his best friend one day and that really made me feel good. I know I have a great support in him with this and that is a tremendous comfort.

As I write all of this sometimes it’s a reminder to myself and a pep talk. Because today, has been one of those days that I just can’t figure out where things went wrong. I go back and forth between the same two things for breakfast, so why sometimes things go haywire I just don’t get it. This morning an hour after I ate I checked once I got to work. Gross! 266! My pump said I should bolus, so I did to get my BG down. By lunch I was fine. We did nacho day at work for lunch, thanks to my genius idea for the leftover huge bag of tortilla chips from the Cardinals day we did the other day. I know that 7 chips = about 20 grams of carbs. I counted out the chips, calculated a bit for the black beans I added and put it in my pump. It did the math and gave me my mealtime bolus. Less than an hour later I leave for my half hour lunch break to go to Target and I don’t feel so good. I check and I’ve dropped to 52. Great, I felt like I ate a horse and then I had to go and try and fit something else in my stomach to keep from passing out? Really? How did I go so wrong with my calculations? I sucked down a Capri Sun that I keep in my car for just such emergencies and went into Target. I was standing in the aisle looking at the fizzy flavored water trying to figure out what brand would be cheaper and still not feeling right. Seagrums was $4.00 for a 12 pack and Target brand was $3.35 for an 8 pack and I just couldn’t do the math. I kept thinking 12 divided by 4 but there was no way that one can was $3.00 when the entire 12 pack was $4.00!!! I could not wrap my brain around it, my brain was so foggy and I couldn’t figure out why I was still feeling low. I finally just got the Seagrums for $4.00, checked out and checked myself again in my car. 67, so I was climbing but not enough. I ate a small piece of brownie when I got back to work and then just sat at my desk trying to concentrate. My BG finally got on track and has been the rest of the afternoon, hopefully the rest of the evening will be a-ok and I won’t have to eat anything before I go on my nightly walk. It had taken a while for me to feel able to concentrate correctly again after my lunch time episode, but I finally figured out how I was doing the math wrong. $4.00 divided by 12 = $.33. Duh! ;)

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