I've been pretty open to the fact that I started on the pump and have made other steps towards getting this T1 body of mine baby ready. I have know idea what God has in store or how far off that is. With making all these changes and seeing friends post their preggers pics on Face Book it's kinda hard to not think about what the future holds. I'm terrified in so many ways. I know every woman has fears about their first pregnancy but I don't know anyone else who has all of mine. There is the thought more often than not wondering if trying to get pregnant would be a selfish thing. What if my bg's harm the baby, what if it seems fine in the womb but then is born with something awful! I'd never forgive myself. As I put those fears aside in creep more. All I have ever wanted for as long as I can remember is to be a wife, and a stay at home mom. Its my dream. In an age when more women seem to have careers and take their children to babysitters or daycare my dream seems to be odd to most. I don't judge or condemn those moms. It works for them. I have to say, I don't know how they do it, but somehow they do. I don't have a baby yet and I already most of the time feel like I can't keep up on things and I'm failing. So add a baby to the mix and that scares me. As upset as I can get right now when thinking about or talking being a working mom I can't imagine how I will be when I'm pregnant. That thought of going back to work already kills me. I don't hate my job by any means, but I'm afraid I might when a baby is involved. I know this may all be premature, but its on my mind a lot. Dang "D"! Feels like its going to keep me working to the day I die!
Disclaimer: These thoughts in no way whatsoever are a reflection on my husband or his job. He has a great job, and a great boss and we are truly blessed. I have to work in order to obtain health insurance. Brad does an amazing job providing for me as I know he will when we have a little one. If you don't know us you would never know by looking at us that he is the thrift store king! Almost our entire wardrobes are from thrift stores but you would never guess it because he finds all name brands. Our furniture in our house is thrift store, or craigslist. He has an amazing gift that way! I wouldn't trade being married to someone who's health insurance would take me at all.
I share all of your fears, in fact it's on my list of "To be blogged about" topics. It's tough and it's hard to grasp just how hard it's going to be, physically and emotionally. Luckily there are so many awesome women in the DOC and great medical professionals to help us along the way.
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